Since the the secret is out, I might as well tell you all of it.

Every night all the men, everywhere, sneak out and get together to discuss ways we can keep you women in your place. Every single one of us agrees to the precise details of the plan -- things like planting "his" in the word history, because that will sure show all of you women that we're the boss.

You might also be interested to know that because I had the audacity to be born white and with a penis, it's nearly impossible for me to walk down the street without being offered a lucrative job with an immediate promotion. Also, people throw money at me wherever I go. I am regularly forced, at gun point, to accept several thousand dollars in cash. If that seems unfair to you, don't worry . . . the dollar isn't what it used to be.

Now that you know, Sarah, you'll have to be beaten into submission. Because that's what we men -- ALL MEN -- do to our women.

Now where's my dinner?