June 01, 2003

Lisa: Angel Wanna Cracker?

Well, I had another dream about Angel last night. For someone I don't even think is very attractive, he sure shows up in my subconscious a lot. I refuse to acknowledge that I am dreaming about David Boreanaz. It is the CHARACTER! Anyway, this time I was sitting on his lap feeding him crackers. (Crackers?)

Previous dreams I have had about Angel:

  • Angel compares his feelings for Buffy (played by me) to the contents of a refrigerator.
  • Angel is in my high school art class, and we have a frustrating, high schoolish non-relationship. (This is the one where I told him I was leaving, and he said "...that's...too bad..." in a typically broody way.)
  • I am involved in a love triangle with Angel and The Rock. (Truly, a sign that the apocalypse is upon us.)

    That's all I can remember right now. But I don't get it. That beetly brow, spiked hair, and not-so-bright look? Not usually my thing. And hello, I am happily married! Good thing Blake isn't as disturbed as I am about all this.

    [Sarah says: Lisa has a crush on David Boreanaz. Really.]

  • Sarah: Watch me blog on my webcam LIVE!

    I got an email today with the subject line "Increase Your Tool Without Danger." I was very excited! Modern technology has finally proved itself useful. I mean, you know how sometimes your screwdriver is too small for the screw? It slips around in an annoying way and severely dampens fix-it tendencies. By increasing your tool, these days are over. Your once inadequate tool will fit the screw head perfectly, and you will find yourself content with fixing things all day. Also, the No Danger Guarantee* is incredible! If your hammer becomes too heavy after it is increased and, say, causes physical harm in some way, just return the increased tool with no charge to yourself! This tool increaser will revolutionalize the tool industry. Buy yours today! Send $200 to the Sarah's Vespa Fund**. Although it may sound steep, this product pays for itself!

    *Not an actual guarantee
    **You will not recieve a tool increaser, but a warm feeling inside, knowing that you have improved my quality of life.

    June 03, 2003

    Lisa: Needed: One Brain

    How does one go about creating one of those quizzes I have such a penchant for filling out? I want to do one called "What type of Librarian Are You?". Trust me, this is a genius idea. Anyone? Bueller?

    Sarah: Nerdspeak

    Whenever I observe my younger brother and his friends, I am awestruck by their complete lack of normalcy. They hole up in a dim room of our house and play roleplaying games or Magic the Gathering. I love that, as nerdy as people get, they still trash talk. For example, Younger Brother says to Nerdy Friend "Dude! You have freaking 42 endurance!" in response to weakness in another area. YB, the biggest and strongest of the three boys, says "I would totally lose to you guys if I fought you..." I'm thinking "What?? You could beat these scrawny nerds in TWO SECONDS!" And he continues "...because my creature..." Later in the evening, when physically forced by Mom to go outside, Geek Boy, who has never strained himself physically IN HIS LIFE, lectures YB on how to throw a frisbee. Seriously. And no, he can't throw better than YB. When called to lunch, NF cracks a great joke to GB with "We need to cast a time freezing spell on this battle." GB laughs in pubescent boy voice as YB tells NF and GB about a spell in D&D* which stalls time for 7 seconds or something.
    The thing that kills me about role playing is the Game Master, or Dungeon Master. The job of the Game Master is to arbitrarily add twists and turns in the game, by plaguing other players with unfortunate events, including physical harm and natural disaster. My brother seems to thrive on this role. I blame our family for squelching any free will of the youngest member of the family, demanding that he conforms to our every whim (exaggeration). As a result, YB grasps this one shred of control and plays God with his role playing games. Surprisingly, his friends bow down to this control. Largely due to his responsibility for their introduction to the fabulous world of Magic the Gathering**, my brother is an authority figure among his geek friends. True, this circle of friends is very small (VERY), but these lemmings are sufficient nourishment for my brother's controlling instincts. Although I fear that my brother is doomed to a life of social ineptitude and fascination with science fiction, I rest easy knowing that he is the coolest kid among his friends. The nerds have been at my house since 11 a.m. and are sleeping over at my house tonight. Wish me luck, and send me your strength.

    *Dungeons and Dragons, Nerd Indicator Extraordinaire
    **HUGE nerd game, which is largely responsible for sucking the life out of my brother's allowance.

    Sarah: Mmm... Spam...

    You know those ads at the top of your email inbox? I had one today that told me that I had won 50 lbs. of lobster. Lisa, however, won 50 lbs. of Omaha steak, that lucky vixen! So, I know that these are not actual prizes, but do you think there is a butcher or a chef somewhere that got the same prize announcement and stood up from his computer desk and cried "wooHOO" in Homer Simpson style? What other person would need 50 lbs. of any meat product at any one time?? I'd much rather get the free cordless phone. And what's with the "Omaha Steaks"? They really needed to specify WHAT KIND of steak it is? Also, do you have to go to Omaha to pick them up? Are they superior to steaks of a different origin? I've never heard someone at a restaraunt ask for Omaha steaks.
    Guy: Can I get an Omaha steak, medium rare?
    Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, we're currently out of Omaha steaks, but we have a lovely Tulsa steak.
    Guy: Screw THAT, you commie scum!! A steak isn't a steak if it isn't an OMAHA steak!!
    This will be one of my last blogs on internet trash. At least for a little while.

    June 06, 2003

    Sarah: Boot THIS!

    My brother and I attended a wedding yesterday downtown, at a location where parking was impossible. As a fast resort (we thrive on running late), we parked in a near vacant parking lot of a well-known fast food chain. Although this parking lot had signs indicating that it was for customers only, I had parked in this lot before with no negative consequences. HOWEVER, when we returned from the wedding ceremony, we had a boot on the wheel of our car. Although I understand that we shouldn't occupy places for customers, I was extremely vexed for the following reasons:

  • THE PARKING LOT WAS ALMOST EMPTY!! No one eats at that stupid restaurant. It's in a horrible location, and they boot nice people! Why would anyone eat there?!
  • It cost $80 to remove the boot. My brother and I are both poor college students! We would feel deeply penitent if it only cost $20. More than that is just gratuitous.
  • On the notice that included a description of the penalty and a number to call, they spelled "boot device" incorrectly. Twice. They spelled it "boot devise" on an obviously bulk-printed item. Rude and stupid.
  • Why would anyone choose to work as the guy who deals with booted cars? No one would like you. Lots of people would hate you. Like I did.
    I'm boycotting that restaurant, even though I never ate there in the first place. I hope they go out of business in the next month, and that their building is reduced to a pile of rubble and then just one big parking lot that is open to the public. Jerks. Also, learn how to spell.

  • June 11, 2003

    Lisa: This Week's Sign That the Apocalypse is Upon Us

    This morning on the radio, I heard about this thing called Celebrity Wake Up. You pay eight dollars a month, and every morning you get a phone call with a pre-recorded "wake-up message" from your favorite celebrity. The scary part is that I would consider paying for this service.

    Comment fodder: which celebrity's dulcet tones would be rousing YOU from a fitful slumber?

    June 12, 2003

    Sarah: Only the Lonely

    I feel bad for the radio D.J.s who face hours of solitude because they don't have anyone to work with. Their loneliness cries out to me as they try to carry on playful banter with an audience unable to respond.
    "Alright! That was 'Bring Me To Life' by Evanescence. Dude, do you ever have that problem when you sneeze and then, like, snot comes out? Man, I HATE that! [Nervous sounding laughter] Well, now we'll play a little requested music. This is from Evanescence; it's 'Bring Me to Life.'"

    Lisa: I figured it out all by myself.

    I know nobody was eagerly awaiting this quiz except me, but here you go:
    You are Giles.  Intelligent and a little old fashioned, you make being a librarian dead sexy.
    You are Rupert Giles, from "Buffy the Vampire

    What Type of Librarian Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    June 13, 2003

    Sarah: Do You Yahoo?

    A few weeks ago, I was at the computer at my local public library, and a 14 year old boy sat down next to me. This would be rather unremarkable, but he kept talking to himself about the sites on the internet he was going to. Slightly amused, I continued with my personal web surfing, trying to ignore the boy, to spare both of us embarrassment. I nearly lost it and burst into laughter when he visited www.yahoo.com and sang, in his 12-inch voice "yaHOOOOOO".
    Today I saw this boy again, but this time he was accompanied by a good (and extremely strange) friend of our little brother. Amazing how it just all seemed to make sense.

    June 17, 2003

    Sarah: No Need for Alarm

    Nothing can fill you with hatred like hearing an alarm like your own on a radio commercial. Those should be banned. Also commercials with your cell phone ring. Those freak me out. I check my phone EVERY TIME. There also used to be a song on the radio that ended with what sounded like a siren. I would check my rear view mirror every time I heard it. All of these should be done away with. So let it be written, so let it be done.

    June 20, 2003

    Lisa: Stream of Bookishness

    So, I was looking over the search phrases that brought people to our site, and I noticed "tooth books." As it happens, I have an excellent book about teeth to recommend: Open Wide: Tooth School Inside, by Laurie Keller. Ostensibly a picture book aimed at encouraging youngsters to brush, Open Wide is chock-full of very detailed and often hilarious illustrations that can keep even an adult (or at least me) entertained for a while.

    The Very Persistent Gappers of Frip

    And that reminded me of another book with a similar (but much more sophisticated) illustration style, called The Very Persistent Gappers of Frip, by George Saunders. This book is for slightly older kids with an attention span that's a little bit longer, but it's full of imagination and humor. And the moral of the story is much more important (and subtle) than "brush your teeth!"

    Lisa: Hoping for a brush with...mediocrity?

    Some of the more alert readers of this site may be aware that David Boreanaz is currently filming a movie in Utah. No? Just me then? Alrighty. Well, anyway, the movie is The Crow: Wicked Prayer, which I believe is the fourth in the Crow series. From what I can figure out, this movie is going to be completely and utterly terrible.


  • It is part of the Crow series.
  • Boreanaz's character is the leader of a "satanic biker gang" that "symbolizes" the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. He happens to represent Death.
  • Edward Furlong (who played John Connor in Terminator 2) plays a character who was killed by the gang, and is reincarnated as the Crow to take revenge on Boreanaz.
  • Dennis Hopper (he of the terrible Eastern European accent) plays the devil incarnate, who is inexplicably named after a meteorological phenomenon.
  • Tara Reid plays Boreanaz's love interest.

    Nevertheless, having "Angel" in the near vicinity is moderately exciting. Here is your mission: find more information, and report back to me at 0800 hours!

    Update: Alas, production on The Crow 4 has wrapped. And there was no D-Bo.

    Another update: See the movie poster (which, admittedly, looks kind of cool) here.

  • June 26, 2003

    Lisa: Dream Journal

    I've decided to start keeping a dream journal, in an attempt to figure out what's going on in my subconscious. Which reminds me of The Cell, a movie that not only features Vince Vaughn AND Jennifer Lopez, but also lets you see the subconscious worlds of three very different people. The concept was intriguing, the sets were visually stunning, and boy, did it ever freak me out.

    Anyway, I definitely have a few recurring themes in my that I could analyze, and also some very violent and morbid nightmares that I would like to gain more control over. Here are a few of the themes I can think of right now: (And thanks to Dream Doctor for the interpretations.)

    Loose teeth: could reflect concern about my appearance
    Filthy bathrooms: suggests an emotional blockage
    Huge locker rooms: possibly indicates doubts about my identity or role

    So, there you have it. If I come up with anything astounding, or have any really crazy dreams, I'm sure I'll let you know.

    June 27, 2003

    Lisa: Because some people don't know how to use email.

    If your name is Blake, click on this picture.

    Thanks for letting me take the car this morning!

    Sarah: Adventures in Babysitting

    Sophie (3) has taken to saying "I suppose." While I was helping her go to the bathroom, she said "I suppose that I need some toilet paper." She also seems to think that she is an adult. While having a snack, she looked at me and said "I think we need to check on David." David (my brother, who is 21) was quietly reading in the next room. I'm glad she's got her eye on him. One of my favorite moments of the day was when, as I was feeding the kids dinner, the ice cream man drove by. Tim (9) grabbed his money box and made a run for the door. When his mom stopped him from leaving, the following conversation ensued:

    Mom: No, you don't!
    Tim: But... can I just get some ice cream?
    Mom: No, you can't.
    Tim:... Can I ask Sarah?

    Thanks. Dude, I've been turned into the softie. Oh well. Another dinner funny happened while I was making grilled cheese sandwiches. Tim and Rachel (6) were both about half way done with eating their current sandwiches, so I asked them if they would like a second sandwich. Both of them said no, so I started to clean up. Almost right after I put the pan I'd been using for the sandwiches into the sink, Tim says "Okay, I'll have another sandwich now." And Rachel says "Yeah, me too." So I said "But you both said you didn't want another!" Tim replied "I had to see if I was still hungry..." in a slightly condescending way. Oh well.