December 02, 2003

Lisa: Not just pretending

Things I am thinking about right this minute:

  • Working at a school while going to school is a bad idea. My finals week is always the busiest week at work, too, which is crappy. (If you are a 30-50 year-old man in the Salt Lake area who would like to do some easy work for $15/hour, CALL ME!)

  • Support the Lisa and Blake fund: buy my parents' coffee table!

  • My costume is coming along fabulously, albeit a little slowly. At the last sewing session, I found that invisible zippers are hard to put in, especially if you have never done it before, are just trying to wing it, and don't have the right sort of presser foot. I guess I will be going to the fabric store to purchase a new, unmutilated zipper.

  • Macadamia nuts are absurdly expensive. Sarah and I had a whole riff about this, which I can't remember now.

  • The employees at the McDonald's by my apartment seem to be especially inept. Blake and I swing through their drive-thru quite often after work, and I always order the same thing: a Bacon Ranch Salad with grilled chicken, and a medium Diet Coke. This is a regular menu item, nothing funny, but they manage to mess it up almost every time. I have never gotten croutons with my salad (but I have at other McDonald's stores), I have been given the breaded chicken instead of the grilled several times, once I got the salad without the chicken entirely, and once they tried to give me a grilled chicken sandwich with bacon on it. Honestly, people! The folks at Burger King have my "usual" memorized, and have it sitting on the counter for me by the time I'm ready to order.

  • Babies are nice.

  • December 10, 2003

    Lisa: none of your business!

    I hate it when the ladies at the fabric store ask me what I'm going to be making with the materials I'm buying. You always get asked twice, too--once by the person who cuts the fabric, and once by whoever rings you up. Here's the conversation from my last trip to JoAnn's:

    Nosy Cashier Lady: What are you making?
    Me: (mumbling) Oh, just a cape.
    NCL: Oh. Is it for a wedding?
    Me: Nope.
    NCL: Well, is it for some other special occasion?
    Me: Uh, no...(turns head to the side and talks out of corner of mouth) it's just a for a costume.

    I'm sure they're just trying to be friendly, but it seems a little invasive to me. When I worked at the bookstore, we weren't allowed to comment on the books customers were buying. Plus, I've been buying fabric for a costume that I'm a little insecure about anyway. I don't want to feel embarassed or like I need to justify myself!

    I also anticipate with dread the reaction of video store clerks to what I'm renting. The clerks at Blockbuster seem especially prone to praising or scoffing at video choices. Unfortunately, impressing Mr. Blockbuster Employee with a sophisticatedly artsy or cult classic tape doesn't guarantee that I'll enjoy the film. The last movie I rented that got the "great movie!" seal of approval was a terrible disappointment. Valley of the Dolls, why hast thou forsaken me? To add insult to injury, when I complained about the movie to my mom later, she insisted (in a disgusted and disappointed tone) that it was X-rated. Apparently, "all [she knows] is that when it came out, people considered it PRET-TY ROUGH." Please, Mom. Have another "doll."

    For the next entry in the saga of the Eowyn costume, click here.

    December 23, 2003

    Lisa: It's the thought that counts

    One of the other flutists in the Orchestra at Temple Square and I were interviewed (and photographed) for the Music and the Spoken Word website. I'm not sure how long our interview will be up; it looks like it's one installment of a "behind the scenes" series.

    I thought spotlighting us was a nice gesture, but unfortunately, they called me Julie Smith instead of Lisa Smith 3 of the 4 times my name was mentioned--talent agents (HA!) should avoid the confusion and just contact me here. Edited to add: They fixed my name! Now there is no real reason for this blog. Fate is a fickle friend.

    If you look at the picture, I'm the one on the right. Feel free to ignore the gaping rictus that has appeared on my usually demure face. Apparently, music MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!!

    Lisa: The best use I can think of for a Foreman.

    I knew there was a reason I was reading mimi smartypants's archives instead of facing up to my adult responsibilities.

    Does the George Foreman grill come with a money-back guarantee? If so, it would be good to grill a Stretch Armstrong doll on it and then send the whole mess back to the manufacturer, and write a cover letter saying it just started to smell funny and didn't work. And then they could open up the grill cover to find Stretch's smashed melted blond-weightlifter body inside. ("Well, I think I've found the problem.")

    December 24, 2003

    Sarah: Can I help you with your package?

    During my Christmas break from school, I have returned home to my parent's home and have been working at a UPS Store during the holiday rush. I may be a geek, but I like the following things about my job:
    We have these tape guns that allow for ease in box packing. Imagine your packing tape at home. Now add the little plastic dispenser, which is nice, because it keeps the end of the tape from sticking to the roll and has a blade with which to sever the piece you are using from the rest of the roll. These tape guns are one billion times better than that dispenser. I love them. I like to tape things...
    When I stock our shelves with shipping and office supplies, I price items. Gotta love that pricing labeling thingey.
    I type an address into the computer. It spits out a label. I affix the label to the package. Everything is so fast and efficient and fabulously organized.

    I realize I may still be in the honeymoon phase of my job, but maybe I just like organizing things, okay?? Another point of interest is that I've become friends with the delivery guys that pick up our packages. One of them, however, told me I looked like Kelly Osborne, which no one in the store agreed with. Thank goodness. I think it's the short hair. Anyway, when I didn't seem thrilled with this "compliment," he was deeply apologetic (more than was necessary, actually, considering I wasn't offended), and now reiterates how wrong he was every time he comes in while I'm working. In penitent butt-kissing, he's remarked on the absurdity of his comment, because I'm "so much better looking than Kelly Osbourne." I have no response to this.
    Anyway, this is what I've been up to. It's been nice to see some of you Salt Lake City friends while I've been in town, but I wish I had more time to spend with you. Logan friends, I miss you, blah blah blah, and we'll all be together again soon. More blogging to follow Christmas.

    December 30, 2003

    Lisa: This means something

    I had a very strange dream last night that combined all of the following elements except one. Ten points if you guess which freaky thing I didn't dream about.

  • A copy store with very tight security (including guards and roped-off queues) at which my father tried to make illicit copies using a homemade copy card
  • An old friend's soon-to-be ex-husband acting like a complete ponce
  • A karaoke diva who thought she was ALL THAT
  • An ominous portent involving a sheep who gave birth to twin lambs, one of which had ripped off the other's leg while still in the womb (The lamb with the ripped-off leg represented me.)
  • Gummy candy that got stuck in my teeth and then hardened, gluing my jaws together in an alarming way
  • After accidentally insulting my boyfriend Angel's attractiveness, I bit him on the shoulder to show I still thought he was hot. Angel was unimpressed. I finally made him feel better by taunting Spike in front of large audience. (I blame this and any future Angel dreams on the D-Bo cutout that Sarah gave me for Christmas.)

  • December 31, 2003

    Lisa: Yes, I am a huge nerd. Why do you ask?

    If you want a sneak preview of my Eowyn costume before I post my own pictures, you can check me out here on The One Ring. If I look a little disturbed to have a complete stranger taking my picture, well, that's because I am.

    For the next entry in the saga of the Eowyn costume, click here.