May 04, 2004

Sarah: Because no subject can be visited by too many people.

First of all, I'm sorry I've been so quiet in the past while. I just finished up my semester, and I couldn't handle blogging in addition to my other demands. Ah, who am I kidding? I was too lazy and lacked creativity.

Second of all, I've moved back home and have spent the last few days job hunting. It is really no fun at all. Hire me? Please?

All: Today while driving around, looking for a particular place of business, I made a mullet-siting. I know that far too many jokes have been cracked about mullets, but that is what I find so perplexing. There was a time when mullets were only the dark side of American life; we turned a blind eye and avoided comment. There was also a time when mullets were the best of two haircuts.* Those times have past. Now mullets are a nationwide joke. And yet, they continue to exist. When I saw this be-mulletted man walking down the street, I wondered what his kind thought of their haircuts. Perhaps he's not the stereotypical hick that sports such a hairstyle. If that is the case, does he shun those that give mullets a bad name? Or could someone really be THAT ignorant to what makes them a subject of ridicule? Perhaps he knows that the scrutiny of others is inevitable. By maintaining his mullet, he is drawing attention away from his dated wardrobe, or his bad teeth. Or something. It's a mystery.

* Hey, Lisa, didn't we use to have a Barbie that had a mullet? I'm 85% sure that this is not a figment of my imagination. Her hair was blonde and very curly and short on top, and long and straight on bottom. Or maybe she belonged to a friend. C'mon... Remember??

May 06, 2004

Lisa: CuteDean. Accept no substitutes!

Lisa: I JUST GOT MY GILMORE GIRLS DVDS!!!!!! I am so bringing them to California.
Sarah: WOOOHOOOO!!! Dude, do it.
Lisa: We can totally watch the whole season in a week.
Sarah: And if Blake and Dave are being boring in the car...
Sarah: Are you SOOO excited?
Lisa: I AM SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED!!!!! Best show EVER! At least, Season 1 was.
Sarah: Yeah, they talk so fast! And are so funny! And cute! And i've never seen Season 1, so i'm psyched.
Lisa: And they were so much funnier and cuter in Season 1.
Lisa: And there is CuteDean!!!
Sarah: hee
Sarah: Yeah, I never saw Dean when he was cute. Only when he was a punkass with a new girlfriend who was TOTALLY not as cool as Rory.
Lisa: Yeah. You will love him. Every girl should have a Dean as a first boyfriend. He makes guys want to be better men.
Sarah: hee hee
Lisa: How was your date?
Sarah: It was fun.
Lisa: Did you talk to David when you got home?
Sarah: No. Why?
Lisa: We were instant messaging around midnight. David thinks Armando wanted some booty. In fact, i think his exact words were "methinks he wants some booty."
Sarah: hee
Lisa: So...was he right?
Sarah: Hee. Um...damn straight!!!
Lisa: With the wanting of the booty?
Sarah: I dunno. He likes me, i think.
Lisa: Of course he does!
Sarah: So, why did Dave think that?
Lisa: Maybe because his name is Armaaaando. And he picked you up on the side of the road and got your number.
Sarah: Hee. Well, it wasn't QUITE like that...
Lisa: ROOOOOOxanne
Lisa: you don't have to put on the red light
Lisa: walk the streets for MOOONey
Lisa: you don't care if it's wrong
Lisa: or if it is right
Lisa: Hee. Just indulging in a little mid-morning Sting (Moulin Rouge remix)
Sarah: Hee. You have problems.
Lisa: yars
Sarah: So, maybe he likes me for my brilliant mind!
Lisa: Maybe he feels it's his duty to please that booty. (tm Shaft)
Sarah: Wha...? You lost me.
Lisa: Sarah: so, maybe he likes me for my brilliant mind!
Lisa: maybe he feels it's his duty to please that booty
Sarah: Why did you just copy the conversation that we had TWO SECONDS AGO??
Lisa: Because you said you were lost.
Sarah: Lisa: (tm Shaft)
Sarah: I do not know what that was supposed to mean.
Lisa: He's the black private dick who's the sex machine to all the chicks. Can you dig it?
Sarah: Hee. Well, i know who Shaft is...
Lisa: Shaft said "it's my duty to please that booty." I was just giving him proper credit.
Sarah: I see. Hee.
Lisa: Armaaaando doesn't read our site, does he? So i can post something about him?
Sarah: Dude, he's commented on our site before. So yeah, he does. But he keeps wanting to be written about, so go ahead.
Sarah: Also, are you going to continue to say his name "Armaaaando"?
Lisa: It is decidedly so.

May 18, 2004

Lisa: Good News and Bad News

There is a New Urbanist development being built in the Salt Lake Valley! Well, they don't use the phrase 'New Urbanism' on their website, but as far as I can tell, that's what they are. Huzzah! And maybe they will have a library for me to work in!

Unrelated note to crabby credit union manager:

I am not unstable, irresponsible, or shifty. Of COURSE you aren't supposed to write checks if you don't already have money in your account to cover them. It's called unexpected vacation expenses (such as IKEA purchases, to be explained later)--it could happen to anyone! Anyway, that's why I'm giving you this big check right now. Yes, I wrote it to myself from another account. No, I can't drive to my other bank to get actual cash during the middle of the workday. My other account has PLENTY of money in it, if you would only CALL THEM TO FIND OUT. Sure, no, go ahead, put a hold on my check instead. I don't mind AT ALL!!

Lisa: Shut up, Jess.

After last week's Gilmore Girls marathon, it's not suprising I have the show on my mind. Specifically, I remembered this article on the always-funny Fametracker. Here's my favorite bit:

In the second season of Gilmore Girls, the WB decided to throw a monkey wrench into the works of Rory's happy relationship with Dean by bringing a newer, badder boy to town. Since this boy would be a retread of every bad boy in TV history -- from Fonzie to Chachi to Poochie -- his looks and manner mattered a great deal less to the WB. Unlike the anxious call they'd placed to the Hollywood Geneticists in order to find their Dean, this time they called the lab to see whether there were any rejects lying around the stockroom that they could haul out and throw on a bus bound for the studio. The Geneticists -- having just sent a shipment of Steve Buscemi clones to UPN for Special Unit 2, regretfully reported that all they had left was a Ben Affleck experiment gone horribly awry. Its hair was too thick and gel-y, it was too swarthy, it sported a monobrow, and its Affleckian attitude was super-concentrated. Besides which, they'd siphoned off some of the raw material to make a pet chocolate lab for the...uh, lab, the Affleck clone was a great deal shorter than the original -- barely taller than Rory, in fact. "Eh, whatever," came the answer from the WB. "That'll do." The geneticists crafted the moniker "Milo Ventimiglia" out of the leftover letters from their alphabet soup, and wished him good riddance.

It's hard when you're a Dean-lover not to be a Jess-hater. At least, I assume so. I haven't really tried.

May 19, 2004

Lisa: But we're agreed that asking your date to carry tampons in his pocket is bad, right?

Wise words from one of Pamie's recaps on TWoP:

If your boyfriend hates buying you tampons, he's an idiot. A child. A man buying tampons is a man who gets laid because there's not a man on this planet who needs tampons for himself. Get over it, guys. When a girl buys condoms it means she's totally getting laid. You should hold those tampons over your head and go, "My ladyfriend is bleeding! I am a good boyfriend! I am taking care of her! We have sex on a regular basis and we're responsible about it so now she's on her period! Yes, that's right, we had another successful month of having sex without getting pregnant! Three cheers for me and my penis!"

Skating by on other people's funny is not meant to be a trend--my last two entries notwithstanding.

May 25, 2004

Lisa: Dream a Little Dream of Teeth

Yesterday, Matthew Baldwin of defective yeti talked about the "teeth falling out" dream, which I have mentioned before here. He brings up the logical point that grinding your teeth at night probably leads to dreams about loose teeth. I'll have to pay attention in the future--I'm not sure if I've had one of those dreams while wearing my mouth guard.

Another tooth-related dream I've often had involves retainers (you know, dental appliances). There's someone walking up to me in the dream who (whom?) I want to impress with my intelligence, maturity, and sophistication. I try to take out my retainer (which I haven't worn in my waking life for 10 years), but a new, bigger and more cumbersome one takes its place each time I do, a la Bartholomew Cubbins. I end up talking to the person with a huge lisp and feeling like a child. Waaah!

Lisa: Gradgitated

Congratulations, Blake! I love you the most.
Blake in cap and gown, with two diplomas and one Lisa.

May 28, 2004

Lisa: Goodnight, Sweet Prince

I finally got around to watching the series finale of Angel on my TiVo last night. Putting it off was allowing me to pretend that the show wasn't over, but that only works for so long. Anyway, the ending of the episode was excellent and sad--and I thought it was very appropriate for a show that was always much darker and more adult than Buffy (which ended with an apocalypse being averted and Buffy traipsing off to Rome). The last scene closes on Angel, Spike, Illyria, and a mortally wounded Gunn facing off hopelessly but heroically against thousands of demons. (Molly, it might be difficult for us to keep up that "Angel becomes human and marries Buffy" fantasy.) I guess the ending is still technically open--but I have to say the odds are pretty highly stacked against the Ministers of Grace (even by Kill Bill standards).

Blake (bless his big, tender heart) came up with an alternate ending:
After they start fighting the demon hordes and we fade to black (the episode's actual ending), we reopen outside a house in a sunny neighborhood in a world that is obviously a better place. Inside the house, a bunch of kids are clustered around a seated old man. "Grandpa Spike, Grandpa Spike! Tell us the story about the heroes!" And that's the end. See? Just as open-ended, just as heroic a battle, but with a tiny smidgen more hope. Okay, a big smidgen. Thank you, Blake.

And thank you, Mutant Enemy, for eight years of great dialogue, lovable characters, kick-ass fight scenes, and yummy Angel goodness. I will never forget that leather pants and smoking = evil.