Sarah: At the old ball game

A few days ago I went to a local minor league baseball game. Why do I have so much rage toward mascots? [I don't know, but I share your inexplicable mascot hatred. --Lisa]

Anyway... We sat several rows in front of guys who obviously derived more pleasure from heckling than from watching the actual game. A particularly amusing episode was when a first baseman of the opposing team first made his appearance wearing a hard plastic hat. I, along with my companions, was confused as to why he was wearing a hat which, except for its lack of protective ear flaps, was like a batting helmet. When the first run was hit, the heckler (after many exclamations of "OH! OH! OH!" as the ball soared through the air) could think of nothing to say when the aforementioned first baseman caught the ball except "NICE HAT!!" I smiled as I recognized this desperate act to maintain superiority over someone who had demonstrated greater ability to catch than our batter's ability to hit.

Later in the game when a fly ball resulted in an error when the same first baseman was unable to pluck the ball out of the sky, a heckler exclaimed "YOUR HAT COULDN'T HELP YOU THERE!" In an act of defiance, the player blew his bubblegum into a shimmering pink orb that the sun danced across. Unfortunately, his ego, like the bubble, was deflated when the heckler pronounced "HE CAN BLOW A GREAT BUBBLE, BUT HE CAN'T CATCH THE BALL!"

In conclusion, our team eventually won the game, and I think the hecklers eventually went hoarse, because their cries diminished as the game continued. Also, my brother was able to steal the mascot's can of silly string and use it against him. Hurrah!