Lisa: Red Dawn

Lisa: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1234719/
Sarah: Ohmygosh.
Lisa: http://www.themovieinsider.com/m4854/red-dawn/
Sarah: They're remaking it?!
Lisa: A remake. Yes. I was seeing what movies were scheduled for 2010, in case it brought up any awesome costume ideas.
Sarah: WOLVERINES!
Lisa: Blake is going to plotz.
Sarah: Plotz?
Lisa: It's a real word!
Sarah: I don't doubt that, i suppose, I just don't know its meaning?
Lisa: PLOTZ: To burst, to explode, "I can't laugh anymore or I'll "plotz." To be aggravated beyond bearing.
Sarah: Hee. Awesome. Thank you.
Lisa: Thank the Dictionary of Yiddish Phrases.
Sarah: I wish I knew more Yiddish.
Lisa: plotz (pläts) intransitive verb
INFORMAL to be overcome with emotion; give way to excitement, anger, delight, etc. Etymology: < E Yiddish platsn, lit., to burst, explode < MHG platzen

Lisa: Are you going to plotz?
Blake: Absolutely.

Lisa: This is why we are married.

I admit it: I got sucked into the Twilight books AGAIN. I thought I was too good for that, but the new one is coming out in a few weeks and I couldn't fight it. (For the record, I have actually liked them better the second time around. Don't you judge me.) Anyway, Blake saw me reading one the other day, and started asking questions about this particular vamp universe. You might recall that we've watched a few Buffy episodes and other vampire movies in the past...suffice it to say that each oeuvre comes with its own mythology. Well, I guess I could have just said, "I don't know" or, "who cares," but I'm a librarian. When faced with a reference question, I must find the answer.

Via email:

Blake,

I thought you might be interested in Stephenie Meyer's (the author's) answer to your question from yesterday.

Q: Is it possible that a human could kill a vampire?
A: Er, not really. A big enough bomb would probably be hot enough to burn a vampire, but the vampire would have to agree to hold still and let it hit him.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

Though I appreciate her answer in terms of mythology she just might as well have said it takes magic fairy dust to kill them. "No humans can kill vampires because they have a mystical force shield around them, or rather a miasma that defies the laws of physics."(haha) If it is a big enough bomb they wouldn't have to hold still they couldn't get away. It is not heat that does damage from bombs but rather kinetic energy so if we can determine how much kinetic energy it would take to pierce their skin then we can see whether or not a shot gun can produce enough kinetic energy. She does not understand thermodynamics and kinetic energy but I am preparing the equations just in case she ever asks me. Sorry I am a big nerd but am thankful for your e-mail.

Blake

--------------

Blake,

Well, I don't know about the laws of physics, but it's not a forcefield. It's because they're super hard, super strong, and super fast. Here's more:

Q: Why do they sparkle?
A: They sparkle because they have turned to substance that is somewhat like diamond. Their bodies have hardened, frozen into a kind of living stone. Each little cell in their skin has become a separate facet that reflects the light. These facets have a prism-like quality-they throw rainbows as they glitter.

Q: How about stakes through the heart? Reflections? Photographs? Holy water? Garlic? All that traditional vampire lore.
A: Bunch of garbage. I think all of them get addressed in New Moon except garlic and stakes. But you try shoving wood through granite.

Q: Do the vampires have blood in their veins even though their heart no longer pumps? What would happen if they were cut or injured in some way?
A: Most human fluids are absent in my vampires. No sweat, no tears, no blood besides that which they ingest-they don't have their own blood. They do sort of have saliva-the venom makes their mouths wet, at least. When they drink blood, it runs through their body and makes them strong. It floods through their old blood ways, though they don't have circulation anymore. It lightens their eyes and flushes their skin slightly. If a vampire were cut, there would only be blood if he/she had freshly drunk blood (and drunk a lot). Otherwise, there would only be a bit of venom. It would be like cutting into granite.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

I am already figuring out the necessary kinetic energy it would take for a thrust object or projectile to penetrate granite. The initial calculations do not bode well for most normal weaponry but several high powered rifles whose bullets reach teminal velocity in their descent can pass through almost 4 inches of granite. It still may not kill one but it certainly could ruin his or her day. Also interestingly enough a projectile like an arrow if propelled near the speed of sound can pass through 6 inches of granite assuming the arrow is made of a similar material. I guess I should invest in a shotgun for zombies and a guass rifle for vampires. But this is just my initial investigation. I am also looking at chemicals that will eat through diamonds. What about a diamond chainsaw blade hmmmmm, interesting. Can I get a chainsaw for Christmas?

Blake

--------------

Blake,

I love you so much. But also, don't forget the super speed.

Lisa

--------------

Lisa,

So true. I will have to develop a suit like Batman in a comic book set in the future where he had to square off against Superman. These vampires seem a little like Superman so that is what I should try to defend against, or say screw the whole thing and just hope they want to turn me instead of just eat me.

Blake

Lisa: the fall

Dave: I'm calling to give you a movie recommendation: The Fall.
Lisa: Oh yeah?
D: Yeah. And this should mean something to you if no one else--it's by the same director as The Cell.
L: The Cell? Really? With Jennifer Lopez?
D: I mean, you loved that movie, right? Even though no one else did? Except, this one, instead of being ridiculous and stupid, is the best movie of the year.
L: ...Thanks. So, what's it about?
Angie: It's everything you could ever want in a movie.
L: Everything? Is there singing and dancing?
D: Yes.
L: SERIOUSLY?
D: Well, nobody's crunking [sic] or anything. But, yes.
L: Well, it sounds like I'd better go see it!
D: Take Sarah. She'll like it too.

Anybody want to go?

Lisa: Friday, Fries, and Frolf

Last week, Nora and I had 45 minutes to kill before meeting my mom to shop for a Father's Day gift, so we decided to finally try the zucchini fries I've had my eye on at Woody's Drive-In.

After we got our food, we drove to Creekside Park for a picnic. Here's Nora, eating a quesadilla and trying to charm the nearby kids into coming over and making friends. It worked.

My raspberry shake was really good, and the zucchini fries were okay for a novelty food. They're strips of zucchini, battered and deep-fried--kind of like a heavier, wetter version of vegetable tempura.

There was some kind of frisbee golf tournament happening at the park; at least, I hope so. About fifty men in their twenties and early thirties--the majority of them unfortunately shirtless--were just hanging around, throwing frisbees at poles at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon. If it wasn't a tournament, I am terrified for my generation. Don't worry, though, I documented some of the half-naked frolfers for your viewing pleasure:

Sarah: London Calling

Neighborhoods or Sights:
Piccadilly Circus
Notting Hill
Covent Garden
The Tower of London

Musicals:
Les Miserables
Wicked

Artists:
Picasso
Kapoor
Monk
Rothko
Pollack
many, many others

Deepening Friendships:
I found out last night that Marci hates Ice-T even more than Horatio Cane. [Lisa, I'm leaving this up to you to find some awesomely hilarious links for these two "actors." Thank you in advance.] Yes, my mind was blown as well. And yes, they show Law and Order and CSI in the UK. It's like crack.

I wish I had more time to write better responses to the adorable emails I've been getting. I apologize if I've been slacking, but I hope to spend a ridiculous amount of time on the internet, my phone, and face to face (FACE TIME!) with you guys when I return.

I must be off, for there are still a few things in London that I haven't purchased. Namely, the entire inventory of Harrods.

Sarah: Mom, I've never watched anything like this. No, really.

I told a friend I was having a bit of trouble coming up with good advice for my friends on plot points for their movie. He made a suggestion:

Friend: You should start giving them porno plotlines. "The muscular mailman in his tight cutoff shorts decided to check the back door..."
S: You mean like "Then the doctor said he'd need to check her temperature. Then she said that it was a pretty big thermometer..."
F: Yes!

Then I got distracted from the conversation with, you know, work, and was thus accused of 'killing the sexy with silence.'

S: Sorry, were you left wondering how the story ended?
F: Yes!
S: She had a fever! Bow chika bow owwww!

Sarah: True Life

Last night I hung out with Mallory and we ended up on her couch watching True Life. Although we were both tired, Mallory drifted off into a peaceful slumber while I sat, transfixed, watching an episode about being in debt, and having a panic attack. Ah, how relaxing. Don't worry, I still somehow managed to fall asleep, fully clothed, with my face buried in a couch cushion.

Sarah: Resplendent Responses

A conversation between Blake and his friend, centered around Plato (I think) takes a delightfully nerdy turn:
Blake: ... well one theory is that the universe is converging on another universe.
Friend: What's the Star Trek theory?
B: There are only four galaxies in Star Trek.*
F: Wait, but...
B: Alpha Quadrant, Beta Quadrant, Gamma Quadrant, Delta Quadrant

My response to Mallory's question was alarmingly quick:
Mallory: If you were to make a funny music video, what song would you base it on?
Sarah: Baby, When the Lights Go Out by the very underappreciated band 5ive. Or was it overrated? I can never remember.

*Note to Blake: I hope we are planning to go to this. I'm a fool for J.J. Abrams

Edited to add: I may have just spent the last several minutes contemplating whether 5ive really worked as a word, since you aren't really pronouncing it "Five-ive" but accepting the implied use of the number 5 as an "F" sound. Then I imagined forming a four-person tough girl band called 4ce, because the pronunciation would clearer, though the spelling would be at least, if not more, contrived. Stop looking at me like that. I'm going home.

Sarah: 2008 Cooking Adventure, Week 14

Despite my slow kitchen-to-blog turnaround time, I've still been cooking at least once a week, most of those times thanks to Lisa's willingness to hang out with me. More thanks go out to our Freaks and Geeks buddies who indulge us by tasting whatever items we decide to make. By the way, you should purchase/watch/rewatch Freaks and Geeks if you haven't already. Every episode is hilarious and heartbreaking and awesome.
And so, without further ado, the cooking:
We decided that beans and rice would be a great side dish to accompany E's tasty enchiladas. We trolled Epicurious looking for a recipe (I wish you could see the look on Lisa's face when I confidently said something like "All we have to do is just cook some rice and then mix in some salsa and maybe some spices. Tasty Mexican rice." Terror mixed with a sudden loss of appetite. And looking back, I have to agree with Lisa. Why am I so confident in recipe improvisation when I am petrified with indecision in most other areas of my life?) and decided that Yellow Rice Salad with Roasted Peppers and Spicy Black Beans described exactly what we wanted.

In addition to being overconfident when cooking, I also almost invariably fail to read the recipe all the way through before cooking. This is why I didn't understand the significance of the word "salad" in that recipe. "Salad" means cold. My brain had decided this dish was hot. That, combined with the lack of Mexican flavor (they have a more eastern flair) made these beans and rice much different than I'd planned, but it was all still fairly tasty. If I made this again, I would add different spices than cumin and turmeric (maybe chili powder to give it the Mexican flavor I was missing?) and serve this warm. Or you can enjoy it cold, especially now that I've given you ample warning on what to expect.
Recipe after the jump.

Yellow Rice Salad with Roasted Peppers and Spicy Black Beans

4 teaspoons ground cumin
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
2 cups water
1 cup rice
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup thinly sliced green onions

1 15.5 ounce can black beans, rinsed, drained (oops, I just realized that I dumped the beans and their associated liquid straight from the can into the mixing bowl. You can too! Fun!)
1/2 cup chopped roasted red peppers from jar
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/3 cup chopped fresh cilantro
1 1/2 teaspoons minced chipotle chilies*

Stir 3 teaspoons cumin in small dry skillet over medium heat just until fragrant, about 1 minute. Remove from heat. Whisk lime juice and oil into skillet.
Stir turmeric and remaining cumin in heavy medium saucepan over medium heat until fragrant, about 1 minute. Add 2 cups water, rice and salt; bring to boil. Reduce heat to low and cover; simmer until water is absorbed, about 15 minutes. Cool rice. Mix onions and half of lime juice mixture into rice. Season with salt and pepper.

Combine black beans, all peppers, cilantro, chipotle chilies, and remaining lime juice mixture in medium bowl. Toss to coat. Season with salt and pepper.

Mound bean mixture in center of platter. Surround with rice salad.

*Chipotle chilies canned in a spicy tomato sauce, called adobo and found in the Mexican food aisle at the grocery store.

Lisa: Kudos on your correct usage of "amongst." Ugh.

I use plenty of long and arguably obscure words in conversation, so I'm not sure why I got irritated the other day when someone I was talking to used "amongst." I was all ready to find out he was using the word incorrectly, but a little research turned this up instead.

among vs. amongst

Dr. Grammar: "Both are correct and mean the same, but among is more common."
Columbia Guide to Standard American English: a few minor but confusingly-worded differences, such as "amongst has a rather dusty-genteel quality...among is often followed by a singular collective."
Blurtit: "the word "among" should be applied to contexts when people, or things are stationary (they remain in one place), while "amongst" is used more frequently for people or things that are in a state of motion."

Consensus: Among is more modern and colloquial, where amongst is more formal and British. Other than that, they're pretty much interchangeable. So...if you use amongst in regular conversation, you will be correct. Pretentious, but correct.

I was similarly foiled when I tried to find justification for my smirk at the large "KUDO" hand-written on a printout of an email posted in the back room at work. Although I did find kudos in the Merriam-Webster dictionary as expected ("praise given for achievement"), there was also an entry for kudo. To wit:

Some commentators hold that since kudos is a singular word it cannot be used as a plural and that the word kudo is impossible. But kudo does exist; it is simply one of the most recent words created by back-formation from another word misunderstood as a plural. Kudos was introduced into English in the 19th century; it was used in contexts where a reader unfamiliar with Greek could not be sure whether it was singular or plural. By the 1920s it began to appear as a plural, and about 25 years later kudo began to appear. It may have begun as a misunderstanding, but then so did cherry and pea.

So, there you go. Dumb people are allowed to just make their own words. And that is why you'll find me watching Cops in the evenings, pencil in hand, taking notes ON OUR FUTURE.

Sarah: Sports Fans

While watching the Super Bowl, I enjoyed the company of Lisa and Blake. The conversation highlight reel:
Why cheer for the Patriots: they're undefeated, Tom Brady is good looking.
Why cheer for the Giants: they're the underdogs, Eli Manning is the Jim of the quarterbacks.
They should hire the announcer from Friday Night Lights. It was way easier/more interesting to listen to him.
Does loving Friday Night Lights make me and Lisa enjoy the Super Bowl more? Perhaps. It makes the game more accessible and makes us more interested in the players.
Regarding the half-time show, Blake declared "They sound pretty good for being one thousand years old."
The players were low on potassium, so the announcers informed us that there were bananas on the sidelines to combat muscle cramps. Then followed the longest banana shot ever.
Tom Brady's chin demands that you find him attractive. Stop bossing us, Tom Brady's chin!

Sarah: Well-Versed

A moment ago, I almost emailed a well-read friend of mine to ask what book it was where the main character would unbend a paperclip in his hand to calm himself. I distinctly remembered the passage where he likened this paperclip to a lightening rod that took away all of his nervous energy. Approximately one second before writing said email, I realized where I had acquired that image.

It's from Maid in Manhattan.

And then I had to kill myself: for almost sending the email, for remembering this scene, but most importantly for believing it was a book.

And then I shared my shame with the entire internet. Ugh.

Sarah: Tonight, I'll be your Nerdy Girl*

Yesterday was deliciously full of nerdy activities. On top of my daily Scrabulous-losing, I geeked out while doing the following:

Highjacking my sister's new computer while babysitting for an hour to goof off with Photo Booth.

What's self-respect?

Buying a typewriter for only $8 at a thrift store thanks to Mallory's genius tip. It works great and I am loving it. It reminds me of the typewriter my parents had before we bought our first computer, which came complete with a tractor feed printer.

The only problem I've noticed so far that I'm at all concerned about is that the 1 key doesn't seem to work. That means I'll have to count with care and refrain from phrases like "He was just soooo cute!!!!!!!!!! lol! What if he doesn't like me?!?!?!!?! OHS NOESSSSS!!"
You're welcome.

Watching my brother's band, who played better than I've ever heard them (good work, guys!), hack some Wii controls to play the drum track on one song. It was a cool effect.

As a slightly less geeky activity, I wrapped up the day by watching Gone Baby Gone at the dollar theater. The movie is gritty and, as my mom would say "pri. tty. rough". Still, I thought it was well done. It's rated R for a reason, so you've been warned, but Casey Affleck does a great job (and he's cute) and I think Ben Affleck is a better director than he is an actor.

*Yeah, that title was a stretch. Kudos if you figured out that I was modifying a Beyonce song. If not, I can't blame you.

Sarah: An Open Letter to Friday Night Lights

Dear cast and crew of the tv show Friday Night Lights,

I didn't attend a single football game during my high school career, despite my school being the 5-year-running state champs. I don't really understand the game and I've never tried to learn. Yet, you made me care about football. No, not just care. You made my eyes brim with tears multiple times as I watched the entire first season in four days. And for that, I applaud you.

P.S. Wow. Rawr. Drunk, greasy, and brooding never looked so good. You should market Tim Riggins as tough and manly like Dean, yet tall and lanky (both in hair and in stature! ha!) like Other Dean.

Lisa: In case you were wondering...

Despite being married to a high school football-playing jock, I have no interest in football--I didn't in high school, and I don't now. And forget watching football on TV; on Superbowl Sunday, I only watch the halftime show. That said, I have fallen in love with Friday Night Lights.

As a relative newcomer to high school football culture (and certainly to the all-encompassing version that surrounds Texas high school football), I suddenly found myself needing to know the difference between a cheerleader and a rally girl--and whichLyla Garrity is.

Exhibit A: In FNL's first episode, Lyla says she has to go to "rally rehearsal," so I figured she was a rally girl.
Exhibit B: At the end of episode 2, the Dillon rally girls are shown delivering baked goods to their Panthers in a sequence that ends with Lyla bringing Jason a cookie in the hospital. Is this because she's his rally girl, or does she do it (and does he forego the services of a rally girl) because she's his girlfriend? Incidentally, (just like Wallace's spirit boxes on Veronica Mars) treat-bearing rally girls apparently do exist in real life.
Exhibit C: The show definitely considers cheerleaders and rally girls to be two separate things. Lyla notes their uncharacteristic alliance (and by implication, their accustomed rivalry) in making Jason's banner. The casting calls for extras support this, noting that 'cheerleader' is a specialty role, while rally girls (though required to be "super cute") receive standard pay.
Exhibit D: The Wikipedia entry on cheerleading doesn't mention rally girls at all, but I love that the neutrality of the article is in dispute.
Exhibit E: TWoP forum participants know all. BananasFoster explains that being a cheerleader is more prestigious and exclusive, while anyone can be a rally girl. TexasTumbleweed agrees, adding that the rally girls are indeed the providers of spirit boxes and banners. It sounds like rally girls are a lot like what we called "pep club" at my school.

Verdict 1: I think Lyla must be a cheerleader. She's often shown on the sidelines of the game, cheering in the uniform and with pom-poms, just like my school's cheerleaders. Plus, she was dating the star quarterback--clearly a role only a cheerleader can fill. "Rally rehearsal" must have meant practicing for a rally, not practicing with her fellow rally girls.
Verdict 2: I have spent too much time thinking about this.
Verdict 3: I love the internet.

Lisa: a stake of truth

Blake: (Science talk)
Lisa: ...
Blake: Sorry for being a wonder killer.
Lisa: You're like a non-wonder killer. You kill the wonder I wasn't even wondering about.
Blake: I'm like a vampire slayer, but my stake is the truth!
Lisa: HA! Aw, I wish you could kill vampires with the truth. (Voices) "You use too much hair gel." "Aaah! I'm melting!"

Lisa: be still my nerd-loving heart

John Francis Daley is the new Adam Brody. Dr. Sweets, indeed.

Sarah: Christmas Movie Roundup

Because I've given in completely to my love of Christmas and the over-commercialized season that skips Thanksgiving almost completely (hey, I still might purchase some gourds or something. How do we feel about be-glittered gourds? A catalog seduced me and it could be a fun and messy craft project...), I have a quick list of some favorite Christmas movies, in no particular order.

Love Actually


Love (unrequited and otherwise), Christmas, Hugh Grant dancing, Colin Firth existing: how could this movie go wrong?

Nightmare Before Christmas


I think you can watch this movie an unlimited number of times from October to January without being judged. It's a Halloween movie and a Christmas movie. Plus, Tim Burton can be appreciated year round.

A Christmas Story


I love twisted, disfunctional families. And detailed daydreams. But I hate that kid with the yellow eyes.

A Charlie Brown Christmas


I get sort of sad just thinking of Charlie Brown's pathetic little tree.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas


I've never seen the live-action version starring Jim Carrey. I support the old cartoon version. Why mess with a good thing?

What are your favorite Christmas/holiday movies? I need to stock up, since I have 44 days until Christmas.

Sarah: Stream of Celebrity-Consciousness

My brother Dave and I have slowly but surely been working our way through Mad Men on his TiVo.

S: The mistress-artist was in that tv show with Ron Livingston.
D: Who?
S: The guy from Office Space.
D: I thought that guy's name was Scott Something? He was on Felicity. Jennifer Garner's old husband.
S: (laughing now, at the very silliness of the idea) Scott Foley?
D: Yeah! Those guys look EXACTLY ALIKE. And you know who else they look like? Robert Sean Leonard.
S: Dead Poets Society?
D: Yes!
S: So if Dead Poets Society and Ron Livingston had a love child, it would be Scott Foley?
D: Exactly.

Somewhere we got off track. Ahem. Back to Mad Men.

Lisa: meeting of minds

Lisa: Adam Baldwin is by far the best looking Baldwin. It's not even a contest.
Sarah: I didn't realize he was even really one of the Baldwins. He looks different enough.
Lisa: Yes, he is one of the brothers. [ETA: Sorry, Sarah. He is NOT one of the brothers. I apparently completely skipped over the words "no relation" in his IMDB bio.]
Sarah: Plus he doesn't have the slicked hair. The Baldwin helmet.
Lisa: Good point. Or that bloated, drunken smirky look! So. I was reading IMDB, as one does, and I couldn't help but notice that one of the comments on his profile was titled "his butt." So...I clicked on it. Because, OBVIOUSLY.
Sarah: mmhmmmm
Lisa: The thread was completely bizarre. The first commenter was all, "Has anyone seen his butt?" And someone replied, "Yes, in some show (blah blah), it was nice."
Sarah: lol
Lisa: And then the first commenter said, "So...was it soft and squeezable, or hard and muscly?"
Sarah: HA! Why didn't she just see for herself, since she needed such detailed descriptions??
Lisa: So then another commenter was like, "Um. That's a weird question. It's hard to tell from TV, but it looked pretty muscly. HERE'S A PICTURE."
Sarah: Well? did it look muscly?
Lisa: It did indeed.
Sarah: That's weird. That's the sort of investigating you do on your own.

Ten minutes pass.

Lisa: Admit it, now you're curious about Adam Baldwin's butt.
Sarah: Vaguely. Are you wanting to send me a picture?
Lisa: No. As you said, that is research that should be done on your own.
Sarah: Well, at least not with STRANGERS.

Ten more minutes pass.

Sarah: So are you going to show me Adam Baldwin's butt, or what?
Lisa: Ha! It is linked from his IMDB comments. Or you could probably Google it. But boy, will your face be red when you get fired for Googling "adam baldwin butt!"
Sarah: lol

30 minutes pass.

Lisa: So, did you look it up?
Sarah: No. I don't want to be fired!
Lisa: Probably wise.

Sarah: Catchphrase

The Juab County newspaper is called The Times-News. I can only assume their slogan is "The most poorly named newspaper of the West."

This movie is bad. It could also be known as Time Treasure, following in the grand tradition of National Treasure and the beloved International Treasure (okay, I haven't actually seen that one). Note to Lisa: there is so much on the internet about Matthew McConaughey's super short arms. See?

Speaking of my adorable sister, if you want to fill her with rage, just mention the Diet Dr. Pepper slogan: "There's Nothing Diet About It," because, well, there is something diet about it.

Lisa: maybe if i just put a picture of myself next to the doorbell, that will scare them off

When I read Mindy's rant about door-to-door salespeople, I remembered how I felt when we first moved in to our neighborhood. I'm not normally a fan of door signs, and the 'no soliciting' signs you can buy are pretty hideous. On Gabrielle's recommendation, I took advantage of a trip to Color Me Mine with the girls to make my own. The colors are a little off in this picture, but here's the result:

Anyway, it works like a charm on everyone who knows what "soliciting" means.

In other Perschon-family reading, I tried the Celebrity Morph that Charles posted about, but after the site tried to match my face with Dave Navarro, Lance Bass, and Robert DeNiro, I gave up. Sarah, you don't still think you're the mannish one, do you?

Lisa: Can you dig it?

If we lent you our VHS copy of Shaft, will you let me know? I was totally planning to pack that bad boy in my hospital bag.

Sarah: Brain Dump, List Edition

Wanting:

cute galoshes. Oh, and don't you think that Lisa's baby needs some too? I'm so glad we agree.

Peach Days, the second most delicious festival in Utah. The first is Raspberry Days in Bear Lake. Mmmmm...

Plotting:

Sarah: Is there a support group for this?

With my landlord moving out of the house and leaving me with a cable and internet bill that has more than tripled in cost, I am assessing how much I am willing to spend on these services.
I'm considering some sort of technological detox for the semester, including getting rid of my own cable and internet and possibly even lending out my TiVo to a friend. This would save me an embarrassing amount of money and possibly make me a more interesting person, as I would have more to talk about than music videos and CSI. Not to mention the chiropractic benefit, as I would probably stop falling asleep on my couch. The following is my internet/TV shame:
1. I've started watching The Hills. Seriously. How the mighty have fallen.
2. I woke up at 4 am to a sharp pain in my hip. I got up off the couch and hobbled to bed. My couch broke my hip, you guys.
3. I absent-mindedly started singing "Who Are You" while hanging out with friends. Mallory completely called me on it, and deservedly so.
4. Two words: Internet. Boyfriends.

On the other hand, could I survive it? Would I merely purchase DVD after DVD to feed my addiction? Will it hurt my schoolwork to not have internet access at my home? Will my friends invite me to their houses to watch our stories?

So. I need to decide in the next two hours. To cancel my internet and cable or not? That is the question. Please give me your insight.

Update: I've canceled my cable tv and my landlord is looking at how much it will cost me to keep my internet. No more ANTM marathons, no more Spike TV, no more FX. For at least one semester. Sniffle. Anyone want to go bunny-ears shopping?

Oh, and to Emily in the comments: We'll see if this move results in more dating. It's an interesting idea. I'm sure I'll over-share all about it in the blog if it does.

Lisa: Through Any Window

Jenna Fischer is such a babe. Read about her experience shooting the video on her MySpace. And the video is directed by the nerdy guy from Lane's band!

Lisa: There was no "giant pregnant stomach" body type.

About a month ago, when ljc posted her Simpsons avatar, I checked out the Simpsons Movie site and tried making a few. The Simpson avatar maker is like a less-sophisticated version of the Mii-maker; you choose facial features, hairstyle, etc. that you think match your own. I came up with a fairly decent one for Blake, but I didn't think there were enough options to get a real likeness, so I didn't make one for myself.

Burger King's Simpsonizer supposedly takes a photo and actually morphs it into a Simpsons-like character. I'd seen a few surprisingly good likenesses, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. You still get to choose skin color, hair color, accessories, and body type, but it's in the guise of tweaking your Simpsonized photo, instead of starting from scratch. I tried it twice. The first time, my Simpson-self was a middle-aged black woman. The second try was a lot closer, but had long, glamorous dark red hair. Here's what came out after a bit of messing around:

Not too bad, I think! I mean, completely ridiculous of course, but not bad!

Lisa: my love is like whoa

I thought I was already a pretty big Office fan, but my Mindy Kaling love has grown by leaps and bounds since I found Things I've Bought that I Love, to which she is a frequent contributor. TIBTIL was linked on not martha, and I was thinking "this girl is awesome and hilarious and I want to be her" and then there was a picture and it was Mindy Kaling and my brain exploded.

(You can thank me later.)

Sarah: Flight of the Conchords

My brother Dave gave me the link to this new show on HBO. Funny stuff.

See? There are plenty more video clips at the site. Check them out. Now if only I had HBO...

Lisa: what to expect when you're expecting a vampire baby

Blake and I watched two episodes of Heroes last night, which brought up some very important issues that had to be resolved before we could go to sleep.

1. If you could have any mutant power, what power would you choose?
2. Are Magneto's powers stupid?
3. If the baby could have any mutant power, what would you want it to be?
4. If the baby could be any horror-movie creature, what would you want it to be?

These questions were tricky to come to a consensus on, particularly because Blake answered in this highly irritating fashion:

1. Magneto's powers.
2. No. They are AWESOME.
3. The power to make sound waves into light. (I was able to bargain him into controlling the weather.)
4. A vampire.

Sarah: Boy, Is my face red.

Nearing the end of my workday, I took a quick break to use the restroom. While washing my hands, I glanced in the mirror to check the frizz levels of my hair (assessment: Threat Level Yellow) and lip gloss shine factor (assessment: 0 shine remains. Bummer.). Then I noticed a pinkish spot on my cheek. It felt slightly puffy and sensitive to the touch. I decided that it could be nothing other than a flesh-eating bacteria. Obviously I needed a second opinion.
I walk briskly out of the restroom to consult Marci.
"I have a flesh-eating bacteria on my face. See? See??"
I stand on my toes to lean over the front of the reception desk. Marci soothes my paranoia and tells me that she doesn't see anything on my face. "Right here! It's eating my face off. I saw it on America's Next Top Model. Marci, I have a flesh-eating bacteria."
"Sarah," she smiles, "your face is fine."
"I have a bacteria! Look! The spot is right there!"
I twirl around to head back to the bathroom mirror for confirmation.
And then I see something.
A man in a suit sitting in the conference room, waiting to speak with my boss.
"Oh. Hi. I have a flesh-eating bacteria."
He smiles, nervously.
Just then, the president of the company walks past.
"Sarah, stop scaring people away."

"I have a flesh-eating bacteria on my face."

Sarah: A short note

Dear Mekhi Phifer,

Starring as the romantic interest in Honey, O, and Carmen: A Hip Hopera forms some sort of shame-trifecta that is not entirely overcome by having a break-through role in Spike Lee's Clockers.

Just Sayin'

Sarah

Sarah: Shut up, Alex.

Our obsession with Grey's Anatomy here at Two Loose Teeth is fairly well-documented. What I haven't written about, however, is my main frustration with this tv show. During the first two seasons of this weekly hour of sometimes tearful bliss, the writers kept telling us how hot Alex was. He was fine, I suppose, but patient after patient would blush or fawn or flirt with Alex because he was supposedly so good-looking. Yet the audience seemed less than enthused. Okay, I guess some people thought he was hot. Those people aside, I found myself yelling at the tv screen almost every week from the couch "He's not. THAT. HOT." Still, the actor looked oddly familiar to me, so I did a bit of research. Had I seen him in The Musketeer? No, I'm more of a Chris O'Donnell girl myself (spooky Grey's Anatomy connection!), so I never saw that film. How many D'Artagnans does one woman need, after all? Apparently Justin Chambers was a model. No, that wasn't where I knew him from either. I suppose I remember him from The Wedding Planner (dude, JLo does not make a plausible Italian. Why did they make that a somewhat major plot point?), but I knew him from something more obscure. Something missing from his IMDB entry.
And then I remembered. He's the star of the Dave Matthews Band music video for "Ants Marching." So, um. There you go. Mystery solved.

Obviously I have digressed, but my point in all this is: why did the creators spend so much time forcing us to accept that Alex was hot, when we could have spent that time with lingering camera shots of pretty, pretty Izzie? Or Denny? Because Denny can make a girl cry with a single glance.

Lisa: I'd like to thank the Academy

Helen Mirren always looks amazing at awards shows--gorgeous and sexy but age-appropriate. I'm so glad my favorite act of the Oscars recognized her hotness too. Here's to aging gracefully! I don't know about you, but I plan to stick a picture of Ms. Mirren to my bathroom mirror.

Lisa: M-F-E-O

Lisa: I think I need more Tim Gunn in my life.
Sarah: Hee. Don't. We. All.
Lisa: In my head I just imagined his voice saying "Where's Andrae?" and I started giggling.
Sarah: Andrae= googley-head, which adds hilarity.
Lisa: TOTALLY. I think Tim Gunn would make me sack up and offer me some much-needed direction in all areas of my life.
Sarah: It's possible. He's good like that.
Lisa: Plus, I can picture him looking at my hair and sort of shaking his head with his hand on his chin, all "Well.....make it work!"
Sarah: Speaking of hair, I really liked [our cousin] Heidi's and I've been wanting to dye mine ever since we saw her at Christmas.
Lisa: It was so pretty! But...your hair is already dark? And her hair is straight but with enough wave/body to make it do the swoopy styled thing.
Sarah: Yeah, but I want to dye it darker. Plus, it's growing out anyway. I have to do something with it.
Lisa: OH MY GOSH.
Sarah: What?
Lisa: Nothing. I temporarily went insane and was like "We could have twinner sculpted Jetson hair! Just alike!" and then I had to remove that part of my brain with a scalpel. Apparently I left some bits.
Sarah: Don't make me giggle out loud. I love that part of your brain. Can I keep it? Maybe in my pocket or on a saucer somewhere in my house?
Lisa: Hee. I have it in a jar and keep it in the back of a very dark drawer, pulling it out only occasionally to bark "BAD BRAIN" at it. Then I shake the jar a little before replacing it.
Sarah: Oh, that makes me sad.
Lisa: Don' t feel bad for the Jetson-hair-twins part of my brain. It should be punished.
Sarah: No, no! If you don't want it, let me have it!! It needs sunlight, Lisa. I can give it WHAT IT NEEDS. Plus, I love Jetson hair. Many of the side ponytails of my youth were inspired by the Jetson daughter.

Lisa: Tales of Eternia

Sometimes when I get in bed feeling a little stressed, I ask Blake to tell me a story to take my mind off things. Here's what happened last night:

Lisa: Tell me a story.
Blake: Okay. (Thinks for a minute.) Once upon a time, in a magical land, there was a boy who was a prince. And he had a cat.
Lisa: A pet cat?
Blake: Yes. And it was a scaredy-cat.
Lisa: Hee. This sounds like a good story. What was the cat's name?
Blake: Cringer.
Lisa: That's a good name for a cat! What was the boy's name?
Blake: (Pause.) Adam. And Adam had lots of fr--
Lisa: Wait! Did Prince Adam have a friend who had no legs but wore a dress and a hat and could fly?
Blake: HAHAHAHA! YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?! (More uncontrollable laughter.)
Lisa: (Punching Blake in the arm) You tricked me! You tried to tell me the story of He-Man!
Blake: (Laughing) I thought you'd figure it out by the time I got to Castle Grayskull!

Then we told each other the stories of several cartoons, discussed the irritating Snarf/Thundercats and Pluto/Goofy dichotomy at length, and I tried to explain the plot of the Smurfs movie with the magic flute (which I was very fuzzy on) and how it was disturbingly different from the TV cartoon.

Thanks, Blake! It might have been He-Man, but your story did the trick.

Lisa: you can take my breath away

Real men sing karaoke.

...And apparently wear very shiny suits. Rawr.

(Thanks, More Than That!)

Lisa: two hearts that beat as one

Since Sarah and I are pretty much the same person, we've been sending each other text messages as mental notes to ourselves. Here's what we wanted to remember tonight:

Lisa: The Family Dean

Seems a bit incestuous, doesn't it?

Lisa: I hate you so much right now

Advertisers must be wary of association with the scandal-fest that is Nip/Tuck, because FX seems to play the same two commercials over and over during the show. One (a set of trailers, actually) is for Dirt, starring Courtney Cox. The other causes me to involuntarily gouge out my eyes with the nearest sharp implement, shrieking ineffectually at the TV screen, "A SHRUG IS NOT A SHIRT!!!!!!!!"

It is hard to watch Nip/Tuck with no eyes. FX, have mercy!

Lisa: I told you so.

So, remember when I was talking about how I thought there was a Ghostbusters cartoon with a gorilla, and how everybody thought I was insane?

WELL I WASN'T.

While I was looking for the answer to that mystery, I came upon this rather complete listing of cartoons from when I was a kid which not only made me sing the Thundercats song out loud but also serendipitously gave me the answer to another puzzle.

Now when I say, "Remember that cartoon with the animals with words on their shirts? And the words were like...what they were THINKING?" you'll know what I'm talking about. So, no more glazed looks, guys, ok? Guys? HELLO?????

Lisa: a week in pictures

I had a hard week this week, but the best girlfriends in the world kept me busy and helped me through it.

Tuesday, I voted (here I am at my polling location)...

and then Sarah and Marci met me at Crown Burger before Nip/Tuck. Mallory couldn't join us because she was listening to Pete's concession speech.

Sarah was concentrating very hard on drafting our proposed changes to Crown Burger's wikipedia entry. I'll let you know when we post them BECAUSE IT WILL BE AWESOME.

Wednesday, Molly and I started watching Firefly.

Thursday, we ate at The Pie and Marci treated us to Pride and Prejudice at Pioneer Theater,

where I wore my new shoes...

and we were told we had no class by these fine denim-clad people.

Friday, we went to the Ben Lee concert at Saltair, where we heard Under the Influence of Giants,

Rooney (otherwise known as the band from The O.C. fronted by the guy from Princess Diaries),

and Ben himself, who was adorable and awesome and wearing a suit made of gold glitter.

I hope Sarah talks more about the concert, because (Mallory's hate of Rooney notwithstanding) it was really fun.

Saturday was wallow day. I met Sarah at her apartment with egg burritos and we watched music videos and assorted mindless MTV programming pretty much all day. Mallory and Marci joined us after dinner for Newsies. It probably goes without saying, but we sang along. Loudly.

Thanks so much, ladies, for being there when I needed you. You are fun and funny and smart and beautiful, and you make life bearable.

Sarah: That would be... pretty good...

Mallory and I discuss her answers on a quiz.

Sarah: 29. Who's your favorite Disney princess and why?
Jasmine, because she's the coolest? and has the hottest boyfriend? PLUS She gets to ride on a magic carpet AND is friends with a genie, talking parrot and monkey. ...Um.
M: Aladdin IS THE HOTTEST. I mean c'mon. Eric? The human beast? SIMBA? ALADDIN'S ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVORITE.
S: Eric is quite dreamy...
M: No he's not. He's all squarish.
S: Ew. The Beast-Beast is hotter than the Human-Beast. We called him Prince Saucerlips.
M: And Aladdin has a hotter personality. Lol.
S: I. Um. We can't talk about this anymore because it's making me giggle excessively.
M: I just almost spit out my water giggling. Thats all.

M: Aladdin really is the hottest character. Who else is there to think is hot? Prince Charming? WOODY FROM TOY STORY? I dunno why I'm being so defensive of my attraction to Aladdin.
S: Lol. Aladdin is hot.
M: Mostly I want you to know that my love for him is a true love, and not based on my current relationships.
S: I had a crush on him. Lol.
M: PLUS his voice is totally Steve from Full House. And who DIDN'T have a crush on DJ's boyfriend?
S: Dude. I don't remember that guy. I remember that DJ once went out with an older guy with a moustache and her dad was all upset, but then realized that he was dating a really young girl.
M: Danny Tanner... What a pervert. She went to Europe and when she came back she told everyone she had a surprise for everyone? And it was Steve? And they were together FOREVER and then broke up after hiking to the top of a mountain. Lol.
S: Wow. Was the mountain a metaphor for their love?
M: YES! OBVIOUSLY THEIR LOVE WAS TRUE AND YOU DON'T REMEMBER IT.
S: Wait. If their love was true, why did they break up?
M: I think they went to different colleges. Mostly I think Steve decided to become Aladdin.

M: I'm sort of ashamed right now.

Lisa: This is thriller, thriller night

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I guess I did say I wanted to do something more low-key for Halloween this year, but working until 9 and then going to Crown Burger might be a little lower than I anticipated. There was no Zuul. There was no Leia. Pretty much we sat around taking pictures of each other...taking pictures of each other. I think all that partying (or, you know, campaigning, or school, or work, or whatever) has taken its toll.

Not that it wasn't awesome, because it was! Plus, after Crown Burger we headed to Nip/Tuck night at Marci's, complete with midget sex (sorry you missed it, Mal!), murder by omission and the associated kidney thievery, Alanis as a controlling lesbian, and plenty of snarky debauchery from our pal Christian.

I just wish I'd worn a costume.

Sarah: Props

After making the unanimous decision among the group that props increased the quality of our girls nights, Mallory, Marci, Lisa, and I enjoyed a flurry of themed items. The cupcakes were supposed to be a Halloween-themed treat (did I mention that I was going to attempt some ambitious chocolate spiderwebs on top of the frosting to make them look more spooky? Because I was, and they were going to be beautiful.), but we all know how those turned out. Fortunately, we have had more successful props.

There are certain things everyone should love. Among those things are vampires and pumpkin pie. Lisa brilliantly united the two with a pumpkin pie ice cream cake with chocolate cake and a frosting vampire. Did I just blow your mind?

What about now? It was delicious, and all of the girls were looking deliciously cute.

Lately we've been in the habit of calling each other our BFFs (Best Friends Forever), and our cake proudly bore a Marci quote: The F is for Forever.