Sarah: Here to Help

Mallory asked for help on her blog entry.

M: QUICK. Give me a lyric that has to do with either penises or being smelly.
S: HA HA HA. "Feel a little poke comin through, on you..."
M: Umm less boner-y.
S: You want penis song lyrics that are "less boner-y." I just need to point that out.

Lisa: I said who do you think you are

I went to the hair salon on Tuesday.

Stylist: "What's that paper? Aw! Did someone bring a picture?"
Lisa: "Um. Maybe. No making fun!"
S: "Let's see it! What do you want?"
L: (Hangs head in shame, unfolds printed-out Word document and thrusts it at the stylist.) "Pob me."
S: "Hee. All you had to say was 'Posh Spice.' Wow, you even cut and pasted these in here and everything! You're serious!"
L: (Laughs uneasily.)

I think it turned out OK, though.

Sorry about the mirrors--it's surprisingly difficult to photograph the back of your own head.

Sarah: Amsterdam you!

Lest you think I'm spending all of my time smoking doobies in the red-light district while in Amsterdam, I thought I'd check in to update. Yesterday was one of my favorite days thusfar. Sixteen of us from our class rode bikes out of Amsterdam and through the smaller towns that border the jetties. The weather was beautiful with the sun shining (oops, I forgot sunscreen!) and a breeze blowing. I fell in love with Holland. I'm a fool for a country that not only has such beautiful scenery, but an affection for wooden shoes. By the time we returned to the hotel, we'd ridden about 18 miles and had the sore butts to prove it.
Last night Feist was in town, but her show was sold out. I was seriously bummed until I discovered (just now! Just this second!) that she's performing in Park City, Utah on July 17th. Dear friends, I am freaking out. I didn't see where I could purchase tickets online. If someone would buy a ticket for me (and themself! Let's all go!), I would love that person forever. And pay them back as soon as I get back into town. Or, you know, it could be a birthday gift.

Before my trip to Europe, I did not have:
A farmer tan highlighting the outline of a shoe strap, watch band, and short sleeve shirt.
A shirt featuring a female-afro-sillouette. Which everyone should own. And which three of us do own.
A wacky pillow cover.
A well worn map of Amsterdam.
A constant, nagging need for poffertjes.

Besides imagining what shenanigans my dad probably fears I am getting in to, I am thinking about:
Yesterday was my little brother Jeff's birthday. He's in New Jersey, no doubt charming the crap out of people like he charms the crap out of me. I chatted with some new friends about Jeff the other day, and about how he attended such an amazing university after high school. I'm so proud of Jeff, for his incredible kindness, his cheerful friendliness, his superior intellect and how quick he is to love and forgive. Jeff, I wish I could grow up to be as great as you.

Lisa: quirky

Jessica of How About Orange posted six of her "unremarkable quirks", and I felt inspired to do the same.

1. The sound of a spoon clonking around the inside of a glass blender jar is one of the nicest sounds I have ever heard. It's at least 30% of the reason I make blended frozen drinks.

2. I really like stalking. And spying. And covertly collecting information on people of interest. Not in a creepy way, of course. But, you? Yeah, you with the hair? I have Googled you.

3. Figure skating (singles, pairs, ice dancing, whatever--give me a spangly costume featuring illusion netting and someone swooping around effortlessly balanced on two tiny blades, and I'm sold) is the only sport I really enjoy watching on TV. Are there community ed skating classes for old people? Do you want to sign up with me?

4. Serial killers fascinate me. If I start looking things up in the Crime Library, I get sucked in for hours. I don't let myself read much true crime, because I'm afraid it would become a habit--and there are probably more uplifting (and better written) things I could fill my mind with. Maybe four years old was too young to start listening to Sweeney Todd...no, I jest, you can never be too young for Sweeney Todd.

5. I love typing, and when I get going, I can type almost as fast as I can talk. It's like talking with my fingers, and for some reason that's a little thrilling. Maybe in another life I'll get a job as a court stenographer--but I'd want to do the voices when I read back the transcripts, and I'm pretty sure that's frowned upon.

6. I have written and published on the internet a three-chapter piece of fan-fiction. It may or may not be romantic in nature and was recognized as a featured story on the site. I am simultaneously proud and ashamed. Try to find it at your own risk.

Sarah: Resplendent Responses

A conversation between Blake and his friend, centered around Plato (I think) takes a delightfully nerdy turn:
Blake: ... well one theory is that the universe is converging on another universe.
Friend: What's the Star Trek theory?
B: There are only four galaxies in Star Trek.*
F: Wait, but...
B: Alpha Quadrant, Beta Quadrant, Gamma Quadrant, Delta Quadrant

My response to Mallory's question was alarmingly quick:
Mallory: If you were to make a funny music video, what song would you base it on?
Sarah: Baby, When the Lights Go Out by the very underappreciated band 5ive. Or was it overrated? I can never remember.

*Note to Blake: I hope we are planning to go to this. I'm a fool for J.J. Abrams

Edited to add: I may have just spent the last several minutes contemplating whether 5ive really worked as a word, since you aren't really pronouncing it "Five-ive" but accepting the implied use of the number 5 as an "F" sound. Then I imagined forming a four-person tough girl band called 4ce, because the pronunciation would clearer, though the spelling would be at least, if not more, contrived. Stop looking at me like that. I'm going home.

Sarah: Things that make me

Sad:
Shoulders of people that have been cropped out of pictures.
Feist's performance in Amsterdam being sold out.
Accidentally dumping 1/4 of a pineapple onto the gravel when I get out of my car at the office.
Annoyed:
The woman in my class who talks over everyone, breathlessly drowning out fellow students and the professor (!) so that she can loudly give her pedestrian interpretation of the text.
The guy in another class who says the most offensive remarks possible in my Children's Literature class, most recently during a discussion of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. To explain would bore you, but I may have uttered "Oh my gosh, STOP TALKING." under my breath. Two classmates heard me. Oops. At least they nodded in agreement and laughed?
Excited:
At long last, Ben Folds is returning to Utah. I will be there. So will Ben Lee. You should come!
Embarrassed:
Eventually someone is going to notice that I spend the majority of one of my classes gazing at the back of a certain young man's head. It's a sickness.
Murderous:
Flo Rida's reign of terror.

Sarah: Fat Bottomed Girls will be riding today

To: Dave
From: Sarah
Subject: Poser

So you know how we talked about Mika and how he only has the one good song, which is only good because it sounds vaguely like Queen? Did you know that he has a song called "Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)"? Is he just continuing to ride on Queen's coattails? I cannot stand for this. Plus, "Fat Bottomed Girls" is just so much better.

To: Sarah
From: Dave
Subject: Re: Poser

We will not stand for the Queen-apery of this lesser facsimile. Is he so bereft of his own musical ideas that he must traipse on the beloved legacy of dear departed Freddie Mercury, wot? Fie no.

Yours in indignation,
Dave

Lisa: afternoon delight

Sarah: Note to self: stop saying "afternoon delight." It is weird and unfunny to everyone but you.
Lisa: Afternoon delight=creepy. THEY ARE HAVING SEX.
Sarah: So you think sex is creepy?
Lisa: That song is creepy. Surely you cannot argue with that.
Sarah: I know what I know. I have disassociated the song from the phrase. Now I just use it willy-nilly, though, which is frowned upon.
Lisa: Well, of course it is. Because you are conjuring up pictures of adults home in the afternoon, having sex.
Sarah: Adults? Why is it worse with adults?
Lisa: Hee. I don't know, but it is. Because...they should be at work? Teenagers are expected to sneak home in the afternoons and be having sex. The adults are just being lazy! BESIDES THE PHRASE AFTERNOON DELIGHT IS JUST GROSS. It's like a dessert name, but then you realize what they're talking about! Sunny Delight. Turkish delight. Old men saying young girls are "a delight." When is the word delight ever used besides in those situations?
Sarah: Looks like it IS a dessert:

Sarah: Sensing Spring

Seeing: A peacock that had escaped from its enclosure, by the side of the road. Two rabbits on campus. Unfortunately, this is the best photo that I got, since it was dark when I got out of class.

Can you see them? Hi little bunnies!
Feeling: The sun on my arms. Finally, I am starting to think that I might be warm again, someday soon.
Tasting: Lemonade. It's edible summer.
Hearing: Ryan Adams playing in my car. It's alt-country/rock and I am loving it.
Smelling: Fresh air as I drive with the windows down.

Sarah: Sing, Sing a Song, Sing it Loud, Sing it Strong!

Our friend Jeremy wrote a song about us to the tune of "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid. Lisa declared it "a heartbreaking work of staggering genius." I would have to agree. Thanks, Jeremy!

I want to be where the Andersons are,
I want to see Buffy the Vampire Slaaaayer,
Walking around with that guy. What's his name again?
Oh DBo!
Running a 'thon, you get way too far.
Leggings are required if you want to look stupid!
Strollers are filled with uh.... What's her name again?
Noooooooorrra!
Up where they biff.
Up where they pun.
Up where they eat Crown Burger 'til one.
Oh Scrabble pee.
Wish I could be...part of their world!

Edited to add another verse by Jeremy!

What would I give if I could live out of IKEA?
What would I pay to give today a Dundie to Pam?
Bet'cha in Flor. they don't implore
for a "zombie outbreak" idea
They're bright young women, sick of gymin'
Ready to tan!

And I'm ready to know how to make record bowls
Exclaim "Viola!" while I read Imogene's Antlers
What's a segue and why does it - what's the word?
get pronounced all crazy?

When will I learn?
Wouldn't I love, love to explore Spring City in gloves?
*sigh* I decree,
Wish I could be...part of their world!

Sarah: Music Suggestions

A friend of mine asked me for some music suggestions several days ago, and I didn't have many at the tip of my brain. After some consideration, I came up with a short list. This is by no means complete, but I like these bands and you should too.

Feist: You already know that I love Feist. She makes me dance and sing along and then, before I realize it, there's a puddle of blood at my feet because she has made my heart crack open.
Spoon: They're fun. You should ask Andrea about them. She'll tell you how great they are.
The Shins: I first was introduced to the Shins when I watched Garden State. They were smart but calming and the music drew you in, wanting to hear more. We saw them perform a great set at Bumbershoot and that performance made me officially love them.
Devotchka: Gypsy rock. Who knew it could be so incredibly awesome?
Ben Folds: Ben and I have been together for a long time. If you ever need a 'Best Of' Ben mix cd, just give me a call. I'd love to spread the joy.
The Streets: When I listen to the Streets when I drive, I zip past the other cars, swaying and bobbing my head back and forth, comforted by the fact that my music is better than whatever fake-punk abomination is playing on their radios.
Lily Allen: I like her.
Ben Lee: I've said enough already about Ben Lee, but he's cute, and he loves life, and will make you feel optimistic and in love with the world.
Justin Timberlake: Justin makes the girls dance in the car. Marci has a tiny Justin game piece from a board game that she sometimes sets on the table when we go out to dinner. Dining with a tiny Justin is an experience everyone should share.

Sarah: In Love with Possibility

Keeping with tradition (see 1 and 2), Marci, Mallory, and I went to a Ben Lee concert on Friday night. Unfortunately, Lisa was unable to join us this year, but Mal and I were glad that Marci was able to experience Ben, sans gold suit and Rooney fans, in a small intimate venue like we did for the first time two years ago. Ben was charming and happy, per usual, and we had a great time.

The keyboardist played with Ben on his last two tours also. Maybe they're best buddies. We love it, regardless. The girls appreciate loyalty.

Cary Brothers, possibly best known for his song on the Garden State soundtrack, opened for Mr. Ben with a great set. He was also funny and charming, recommending tv shows to the crowd and just being generally personable and nice.

Like in concerts past, everyone else on the tour joined Ben for one of his last songs.

A Ben Lee tour is a happy tour.

Sarah: Decisions

Having to decide between Celine Dion's "Life After Love" and Maroon 5's "Makes Me Wonder"? Too difficult to choose which is the lesser of the two evils. I choose my Kelly Clarkson cd.

Sarah: Don't Run Away, It's Only Me

As the season for gremlins and goblins approaches:

Jeremy: I don't know any Halloween songs. We could write a Zombie Halloween carol.
Sarah: Lol. This is why I adore you. I just sing "Dead Man's Party" a lot, because that song makes me smile.
J: Because of my willingness to write zombie halloween carols?
S: Yes.
J: My legs have fallen off again and please before it rains,
Help me put them back on so that we can eat more brains.
Brains
lovely brains
creamy brains
Am I insane?
I love these brains
I'm a fancy comso Zomb, I love to travel Europe
but before I check my bags I have a little bell hop
Brains, lovely brains, creamy brains
pick out the veins
I love these brains
The Bev Hills Dead are picky yes. And no they won't drink Ale unless accompanied with brains with PHDs from Yale

Lisa: maybe if i just put a picture of myself next to the doorbell, that will scare them off

When I read Mindy's rant about door-to-door salespeople, I remembered how I felt when we first moved in to our neighborhood. I'm not normally a fan of door signs, and the 'no soliciting' signs you can buy are pretty hideous. On Gabrielle's recommendation, I took advantage of a trip to Color Me Mine with the girls to make my own. The colors are a little off in this picture, but here's the result:

Anyway, it works like a charm on everyone who knows what "soliciting" means.

In other Perschon-family reading, I tried the Celebrity Morph that Charles posted about, but after the site tried to match my face with Dave Navarro, Lance Bass, and Robert DeNiro, I gave up. Sarah, you don't still think you're the mannish one, do you?

Sarah: Bumbershoot Weekend

We returned from our roadtrip to Seattle last night and I write to you now after too few hours of sleep, extensive spider vacuuming upon my return, and two very confused legs (walking all day? or sitting in a car all day? They are having an identity crisis). Complete sentences overwhelm me at the moment, so I present to you the Roadtrip Breakdown Countdown:

25 semi-trucks we convinced to honk their horns.
24 hours of driving, approximately, leading to ridiculous car-photos like this:

23 rd floor of the hotel is where we stayed!
22 free swag items. Lip gloss, pins, postcards, and a bag, among others. Marci and I love us some swag.
21 mix tapes enjoyed on the trip. No seriously, we listened to so many. It rocked.
20 or so concert posters that I wanted to buy from the poster show, FlatStock, including some by a Travis, from Utah! Go Utah!
19 hate units that I now have for Mallory, who DREW A MOUSTACHE ON MY FACE while I slept in the car.
18 people behind the line cut-off we were to see Michael Ian Black perform. Repeated cries of "BUT I MADE A SHIRT!" from Mallory did little to soften the hearts of the event coordinators.
17 times I probably yapped about how adorable The Shins are.
16 marbles you could fit in Mallory's mouth as it gapped open in awe at the Seattle Art Museum. Don't get mad, Mallory. You drew a moustache on my face, and I owe you.
15 times I've coveted my aunt's house since Marci and I went to see it.
14 billion booths of crafty goodness in the ReadyMade Indie Fair section of Bumbershoot. Okay, maybe a few less than that.
13 is an unlucky number.
12 food items Marci and I wanted to eat at the festival (we put the "fun" in "funnel cake", after all), but didn't, because our gyros filled us up.
11 on a scale of one to ten, how jealous you should be that we went to Seattle and, more specifically, to Bumbershoot.
10 bottles and/or cups of Diet Coke consumed.
9 o'clock, unfortunately, when DeVotchka was playing at Bumbershoot. Also the time when we were all passed out at the hotel. We wanted to see you, DeVotchka! So please, return to Utah soon!
8 Tully and/or Starbucks coffee shops on the average Seattle city block.
7 people that recognized Mallory and Mikey's ho-made Stella shirts. I taught her how to make freezer paper stencils, and they turned out great.
6 people that may or may not have been members of the Wu Tang Clan that we saw in the hotel lobby. Oh, and we saw John Legend. And Michael Ian Black. And some tasty professional soccer players.
5 lottery tickets I purchased in Idaho. I didn't win. Bummer.
4 people in the car.
3 mommies that Mikey had to tolerate on the trip. Well actually according to Mikey, it was...
2 mommies and
1 transgender uncle. Which is so totally rude. I hate you Mikey.
0 words that Mallory and Mikey said to Michael Ian Black when we shared an elevator with him. ZERO!!

Lisa: Through Any Window

Jenna Fischer is such a babe. Read about her experience shooting the video on her MySpace. And the video is directed by the nerdy guy from Lane's band!

Sarah: The Gift of Siblings

A conversation in text messages with my brother Dave*:

D: Every time I hear the song The Way You Love Me by Faith Hill, I think of you.
S: Now that's just rude.
D: Hee. You know the first line of the song? "If I could grant you just one wish, I wish you could see the way you kiss." It's like your poem! About giving the world a gift!**
S: Hee. I hate you so much right now.
D: I always think she's going to say "If I could give you just one wish, I'd make it so you wouldn't biff."
S: Shut. Up.
D: How could you not think of that rhyme? About "I wish you could see the way you kiss"? Oh yeah, because it's RETARDED. Personally, I'd rather not biff than see myself kiss. Gross.
S: Hee. Finally, someone appreciates the quality of my gift. Took you long enough.
D: Hee hee. Someday, people will remember you for having the courage to dream of a world without biffing.

*Not to be confused with the Dave that has been frequenting our comments as of late. They're different Daves. I only clarify because there has been some confusion among readers.
**Backstory about my poem can be found here.

Sarah: Listen to Feist

When I told my brother how much Feist was rocking my world, he said it best when he responded "I know. She owns me."

I love her.

Sarah: Perhaps this is my tarot cards' fault.

As if it knew that I was busy at work and needed some peace and quiet, my brain's music-player has been singing JoJo's "Leave" all morning.
Except for a brief respite, when my brain changed tracks to Akon. But instead of singing the lyrics as written by the artist, I was instructed to "Shake your body like a Necromancer".

When college english courses and pop music collide, people.

Lisa: dental hygiene is so hot right now

Sometimes the Fergie-bot says some stuff that the kids out in the suburbs can't understand. This time, the confusion-causing lyric was found in Glamorous:

Livin' my life
In the fast lane
And I wont change
By the Glamorous, oh the flossy flossy

Investigation was obviously called for. After verifying that the lyric is indeed "flossy flossy," I checked the sometimes helpful (but always offensive!) Urban Dictionary. There were two helpful definitions that actually predated the song:

1. Extremely flashy or showy.
2. Someone who is hot, sexy, or banging.

Yahoo! Answers also chipped in with:

3. Ornate or showy in a flashy, often almost vulgar way.

Now I'm wondering if Jennifer Lopez wasn't just talking about dental floss when she said "if I wanna floss I got my own." Thoughts?

On an eerily related note, Sarah bought me a toothbrush that plays Let's Get it Started by broadcasting sound waves through my teeth and directly INTO MY BRAIN. That's what the package says, anyway. It's awesome--now I in the mornings I shake my thang AND brush for a full two minutes!

Lisa: two hearts that beat as one

Since Sarah and I are pretty much the same person, we've been sending each other text messages as mental notes to ourselves. Here's what we wanted to remember tonight:

Lisa: a week in pictures

I had a hard week this week, but the best girlfriends in the world kept me busy and helped me through it.

Tuesday, I voted (here I am at my polling location)...

and then Sarah and Marci met me at Crown Burger before Nip/Tuck. Mallory couldn't join us because she was listening to Pete's concession speech.

Sarah was concentrating very hard on drafting our proposed changes to Crown Burger's wikipedia entry. I'll let you know when we post them BECAUSE IT WILL BE AWESOME.

Wednesday, Molly and I started watching Firefly.

Thursday, we ate at The Pie and Marci treated us to Pride and Prejudice at Pioneer Theater,

where I wore my new shoes...

and we were told we had no class by these fine denim-clad people.

Friday, we went to the Ben Lee concert at Saltair, where we heard Under the Influence of Giants,

Rooney (otherwise known as the band from The O.C. fronted by the guy from Princess Diaries),

and Ben himself, who was adorable and awesome and wearing a suit made of gold glitter.

I hope Sarah talks more about the concert, because (Mallory's hate of Rooney notwithstanding) it was really fun.

Saturday was wallow day. I met Sarah at her apartment with egg burritos and we watched music videos and assorted mindless MTV programming pretty much all day. Mallory and Marci joined us after dinner for Newsies. It probably goes without saying, but we sang along. Loudly.

Thanks so much, ladies, for being there when I needed you. You are fun and funny and smart and beautiful, and you make life bearable.

Sarah: Kevin is the fatherly figure

The comments in a recent entry apparently brought up painful memories for Mallory.

M: Dude. WHAT IS WITH YOUR FAMILY BRINGIN UP MY PAST EMBARRASMENTS?
S: Yeah, um. Unfortunately? You got served. By DAVID. hee
M: Let it be known, I'm not talking to either of your siblings.
S: Dave said "haha, I looked at her fanpage. It is AWESOME. Dude, I still always think of Mallory as the girl with the backstreet boys fanpage..." I just love that Dave thinks of you as the girl with the BSB webpage.
M: I dont! I have respect for dave's taste in music I don't want him to think im some teeny-bopper talentless pop music listener
S: I know. You aren't.
M: WHAT EVER.
S: Wow.
M: I'm so ashamed. I could never go into politics.
S: You'd have to come clean about your fan page.
M: That would be my dirty past.
[I told Dave about this issue.
D: "What do you have to say for yourself, Miss Qualls? Did you? Or did you not? Make... THIS... WEBPAGE"
M: HE SHOULD SAY THAT TO MY FACE.]
M: People'd be all "Don't vote for Romney because he's a mormon and he'd take his orders from the prophet before the people. Don't vote for Qualls because she'd do whatever Nick Carter tells her to do."
S: Seriously, you'd have to hope that Lisa, Marci, and I were supportive or we'd rat you out.
M: BLACKMAILING BITCHES. YOU'RE LIKE THE GIRL THAT STEALS KIDNEYS. KIDNEY STEALER!
S: hee. Wait. THAT SEEMS LIKE A BIT OF A LEAP.
M: ITS A SLIPPERY SLOPE SARAH. A SLIPPERY SLOPE.
M: So, just wondering: When you, Lisa and I first became friends, when you went home and talked to Dave were you like "so last night we were hanging out with our friend Mallory, YOU KNOW THE GIRL WHO LOVES BSB, and shes all 'I like the internet' SHE LOVES BSB AND HAS A FANPAGE"?
S: lol. NO.
M: Because I think the first time i ever met Dave was at that Nintendo party, so really SHOULDN'T HE THINK Oh Mallory The Girl who likes Nintendo?
S: I think it just came up sort of early on? I honestly don't know.
M: or Oh Mallory The girl who likes Jimmy Eat world (I went to that concert that week)
S: I don't think we found out about your dirty little secret for a while.
M: Yeah i keep that one pretty close. YOU ALL KEEP SECRETS SO WELL. Hee. I see now that I can't ever trust you again.
S: We are only telling the INTERNET about your site which is on the INTERNET ALREADY. DAMN! You have SUCH problems.
M: BUT I CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO TAKE IT DOWN AND YOU GUYS WONT STOP VISITING IT SO IT WONT DIE.
S: We LOVE it.

Because Mallory was so upset, I asked Dave to explain why he associated her so closely with her BSB-loving past.

D: I think it's just that that was one of the first things i ever knew about Mallory, so what I've learned about her since has always been with that in the back of my mind. I've always seen her through that lens, if you will.
S: I see. That's like with Mallory, the first thing she learned about Mark was that he loved Radiohead.
D: Yes. Although, that's probably an accurate portrayal of who he is.
S: So now when she sees him she's all, "Hey! It's that blond-guy-that-is-Dave's-roommate-that-loves-Radiohead" and Lisa and I are all "um. Mark?"
D: Exactly.
S: Dave, Mallory is very disturbed. She thinks that when I first met her I'd just go home and be all "so today Mallory, YOU KNOW, THE GIRL WITH THE BSB FANPAGE, said something funny..."
D: I can't remember how you told me... was it something like that?
S: Hee. I hate you. She's going to break up with me, and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT.
D: She won't break up with you.
S: I wouldn't be so sure, Dave. Women can be so fickle.
D: It's true, they are fickle. But not Mallory. She is so sweet and childlike. With her undying love of Nick Carter.

Sarah: I'm just glad she didn't say anything about my best friend Britney.

Mallory has opinions on music. It is, after all, her life.

Mallory: I hate The Killers. The Killers should try and kill the B-52's and there should be a huge explosion and lots of death.
Sarah: ...
M: .. hi.

We talk about MySpace, boys, and the lack thereof.

M: When The Killers kill the B-52's, Angels from Angels and Airwaves should be their guardian angels, and die too.
S: HA!

We talk about the campaign Mallory is working on. We also talk about school.

M: Ugh. The Killers should fight the B-52's in the Sound Garden. And they should be fighting over a Chemical Romance. With the guardian Angels in Airwaves nearby.
S: I love you so much.

More time passes.

M: I dunno how, but Depeche Mode should somehow be killed by The Killers too.

Lisa: Just too white and nerdy

Blake braved the wilds of the Internet today to forward me this Weird Al video. His sacrifice was not in vain.

It's funny because it's true. And the Donny cameo doesn't hurt, either.

Sarah: Musing

Last night I went to the Muse concert at Saltair with my brother Dave. Lisa couldn't go because she had to work, so I promised to give a very detailed account. Here we go. After I yelled during the car ride that we were late, lost, etc. (Dave was very patient and indulgent) we arrived at the venue to find a line that wrapped through the parking lot of people waiting to get inside. Here's Dave waiting in line.

This is what Saltair looks like:

Not quite as cool as in its heyday, but still a sort of interesting looking venue.

After waiting in line for a while, we met up with Michelle and then got inside. The opening band hadn't started, so we took some pictures.

The inside is basically one big rectangular room with a stage at one end and restrooms on the other. There are stairs on either side of the room that lead up to an upper level. On one side is the SaltSlick, a bar where some people went to get alcohol, others just for a better view. The other side was the VIP area, but that? is just lame. We stayed on the main floor. Dave and I ran into Mallory and her brother Mikey, but I forgot to take a picture. Believe me, they were both beautiful beyond all reason. They chilled out in the back of the hall, but Dave, Michelle, and I were just about exactly in the middle. Mallory and I texted sporadically throughout the night.

The opening band was The Like, a group that Dave described as "exactly like the Bangles. But not as good." They are a girl group, though, and you have to respect girls that rock. Or try to rock.

Text from Mallory: Is this the first band?
Text from Sarah: The first we've seen.
M: Muse better be next or I might punch a face in. Special
S: Lol. We agree. Special

After The Like's set, I started to get picture happy. And the crowd started to push towards the stage, so we got a little closer. Check out how close we are and see Muse take the stage after the jump!

I took pictures of Dave and Michelle to show how close we were.

Close!

The guy behind Michelle was a little disturbed, so I showed Tiny Sideburns the picture I'd taken to show it was of Michelle, and not him. Thus began my concert-friend-making.

I took this picture under the premise of showing how close I was to Dave, but mostly to show you, dear reader, that there was a guy near us that looked like my high school boyfriend. A Band Member lookalike! In a ridiculous hat/earwarmer!

I've never seen someone at a concert look so apathetic. This dude was practically falling asleep. We'll call him Drowsy McLumpyBored.

I thought I was going to have to make out with this guy because he was completely pressed up against me. Surprisingly, after I just turned towards him and took a picture, he backed off.

Dave and I asked if we could take this picture. Dave took the picture, and I'm chatting with the subject. We call him Wormhole Guy, because we kept seeing him pushing past us towards the stage. But we never saw him go towards the back. The only solution? There was a wormhole. As a bonus, you get a better look at Not-Band-Member's hat.

We made friends with the two guys standing behind us, mostly because I was worried that people would feel left out if I didn't take their picture. That was probably illogical.

Meet Ammon and Ben.

While the stagehands were setting up for Muse, the crowd would scream everytime a someone walked onstage.

Yay sound guy!

Text from Sarah: There's a couple that keeps watching me. I think I might take their picture just to bug them.
Text from Mallory: Lol punch them in the face.
S: Definitly.

While we waited, Dave and Michelle surfed the internet on Dave's phone.

Michelle declared her own myspace her favorite myspace.

Right before Muse took the stage, A tall guy stood right in front of Dave. So unfortunately, this was what he saw.

or, if he stretched his neck he might see...

No, he didn't know we were taking pictures of his immaculately sculpted hair.

Then Muse took the stage! Yay! They were loud and rockin, and there was much screaming, singing, and booty-shaking by me. Much hopping up and down by others. I think we were at the perfect place in the crowd because we were not at the back, but we weren't in the jump-y, moshy part of the crowd either.

Muse began playing "Butterflies and Hurricanes"
Text from Sarah: It's ur favorite! I'll punch some people for u.
Text from Mallory: Your number has been called.

Dave took a picture with his phone and emailed it to Lisa.

Ammon kept offering to hold my camera up higher for pictures (he was tall).
Text from Michelle: He likes you i think.

Muse played "Supermassive Black Hole"
Text from Sarah: I so totally commented on ur myspace about this song.
Text from Mallory: Hee I just told Mikey that. Just shoved someone.
S: Good work! I think I'm being flirted with.
M: Is he tall? Because I didn't get the memo stating that you had to be at least six feet to attend...
S: Lol. Yeah, he got the memo. It's like the opposite of Dave's band's fan base.
Mallory and I have joked that all of Dave's fans seem very short. They have a concert this Friday, so you can check that out, if you'd like. In contrast, Muse's concert was full of people over six feet tall. Weird.
Today on MSN Messenger, Dave illustrated the phenomenon:

Apparently ghosts like Muse, because there were a lot of orbs in this photo...

Or perhaps they're just hanging out in Saltair because of the curse.

That picture was taken during "Knights of Cydonia". The chorus lyrics were projected up on the screens in time with the music.

I have a few more pictures from cell phones en route to my computer.

I'm working on a video clip, which would be the first video in Two Loose Teeth Blogging History. Right now the file is too large, so I'll see what I can do.

I couldn't leave the concert without acquiring some fabulous booty. I had planned on purchasing the shirt from their site, but it wasn't for sale at the concert. Instead, I got this red shirt. The giant circle isn't on the shirt. Just a little ghost that followed me home.

It was fun! Hurrah! Lisa, I so wish you could have been there!

Sarah: I'll be your love suicide

Lisa sent me my favorite text of the week (and it's only Monday!):

The ladies who work at McDonalds are totally discussing if the lyrics to 'i'll be' are "crying shoulder" or "crying soldier."

Now, I didn't know anyone had thought about this song since my senior year of high school (see also: Lighthouse's "Hanging By a Moment"), but I was surprised how right "crying soldier" sounded when you keep singing the lyric that way. How many other people thought this song was more military than it actually was? Apparently a lot. At least the McD ladies were smart enough to not think Edwin McCain had earnestly vowed to be your Captain Aphid and your better wetter holder.

The more I thought about this song (class was boring today, sorry), I kept thinking that "I'll Be" was in a movie. It turns out that I was right. But I've never seen that movie! It is, however, in my Netflix Queue... I know. I'm a little ashamed. Not ashamed enough to take it off, though. Besides, people seem to love the soundtrack for this movie. And I trust pink_suga and missy_prissy13 explicitly.

Back to the mistaken lyric, have you ever wondered what has been written about crying soldiers? Well, this poem, for one. The google image search was mostly sad.

In conclusion, bad poetry and cheesey teen movie soundtracks? Good. Trying to make fun of crying soldiers? Bad. Soldiers are good. I am pro-soldier. They do a job I couldn't do.

I leave you with my favorite mondegreen: Dress it up with the droppings of a lamb.

Lisa: somehow it's weirder than the accordion

That, my friends, is photographic evidence that Dave's band has added a saxophone as part of their new song, Kimono and a Fan. I think I'm getting acid flashbacks to my days as a jazz band groupie. Good song, though.

Canadians Among Us played at Kilby Court last night before Maritime (who were awesome, check them out).

Lisa: TOOL OF THE WEEK

I know everyone already knows about

YOUTUBE,

but seriously. Where else can you find the Osmonds completely rocking out, Mormon-style (thanks, Heather!)? Or the worst music video ever? Or D-Bo dancing on Angel? And all on the same website?

Thanks, YouTube, for improving my quality of life.

Sarah: Canadians Among Us

A few weeks ago, my brother, Dave, performed with his band, Canadians Among Us in Bountiful.

They rocked.

Hey, stop making fun of my photography. Blurry is the new clear.

You know what was awesome about the performance? That would be the fact that they have an accordion player. And that accordion player is my brother.

Attending the concert were Mark, Jessie, Andrea, myself, and my younger brother, affectionately called Young Jeffrey.

Mark is known for his stoicism. And possibly for his habit of wearing sunglasses indoors? I assume he did so to shield himself from the brilliance that was the musical performance.

There was a veritable smorgaasborg of emotion.

Jeff found something hilarious...

While Andrea expressed... anger? pain? a jealous rage? Your guess is as good as mine. Andrea is like a book written in a dead language... So much to be learned, if only I could understand.

Meanwhile, Jessie and I admired our shoes (I'm at the bottom of the photo, she's on the right). Hers are from Aldo, mine are from Target. My shoes may be more casual, but I was still taller than her.

If you're wondering about the band's name, the best explanation I got from Dave was as follows: "Well, have you noticed that all of the really cool bands are from Canada? We're trying to be cool by association. Or something like that."
So there you go. The inaugural performance of CanAmUs, as the kids are calling them. It was fun. And when they perform again, you should come. I'll bring drinks.

Sarah: You Got the Best of Me.

I pulled up to a stoplight, the silence of my broken radio leaving me to listen to the sounds around my car. I heard the thumping bass from the approaching burgundy El Dorado. The low riding car looked tough, masculine... in a word, gangsta. As the vehicle pulled up next to me at the light, I could hear the melody of the song over the idling engine and car-shaking bass beat.

It was Mariah Carey's Heartbreaker.

Naturally.

Lisa: You know, I'd feel your thigh, but I'm so full of decency

Dear Beyonce and Company,

Gluing a sparkly piece of jewelry to the top of your butt crack does not actually disguise the fact that said butt crack is visible. I think the solution you're looking for is taller pants.

Sincerely,

Contusion G. Mammalian

Lisa: Can you handle my truth?

I have been needing a new flute bag for a while. Strangely enough considering how much I used to play, I have never had a real flute bag. I have used various backpacks, messenger bags, and tote bags to lug my instruments and music and stuff around, but I never wanted to spend the money for a real flute bag (one made for that purpose), and besides I hated the idea of carrying a huge flute bag AND my backpack for books and whatever else around campus. Also, the bags designed for that purpose are technically called gig bags, a term which I abhor. These days I don't need a backpack and textbooks, and something a bit more professional-looking is probably in order. Anyway, a flute bag must conform to a few specifications. It has to be big enough to fit a flute and piccolo and the necessary accessories, and black enough that it can remain under my chair during orchestra concerts--because woodwind players get to do that (Eat your hearts out, string players!).

The whole point of this is that I have been keeping an eye out for potential flute bags each time I go shopping, especially at Target. A few days ago I found this bag, meant to be sort of an oversized hobo shoulder bag. It was only $14.99, so I was willing to overlook the sheer stupidity of the bag's handle.

Trust me, this picture from the Target website looks much better than the bag actually looks in person. The handle is so short that you can't even get it out of the way when you want to unzip the bag--it just sort of blocks the bag opening. I know the sides of the bag are supposed to come up and form part of the handle, but it just wasn't working out. Something in the design process had gone amiss. I decided to get the bag anyway, and just replace the handle. How hard could this be?

I cut off the old handle (seen here in all its ridiculous shortness)...

...and first tried braiding some leather-ish vinyl strips ($7) I found at JoAnn's into a handle. That was much too wimpy, and the braid wouldn't lay flat and look right. I decided webbing was my best bet. After some false starts at fabric stores and online, one of Dave's bandmates suggested REI, which sells climbing rope and webbing by the foot. I chose a 2" tubular nylon webbing. They cut four feet for me with their hot cutter (sealing the ends so they wouldn't fray), and charged me only $2.50. I got some snaps and a snap-setting tool at the fabric store ($8) and put the whole thing together. Easy peasy!

Here's the finished product:

I added a few buttons for extra cuteness power. In this picture, my flute is inside the bag, so you can see that there's plenty of room. At the broadcast on Sunday, I just tucked the handle under the bag. Success! As usual, the hardest part of this project was finding the right supplies at different craft and fabric stores.

Lisa: There's so many things I need to know

Utah is kind of a weird place. I'm sure this isn't news to anyone. I guess I should say that the culture of the predominant religion is what is weird. Not bad, just a little odd. The church places a big emphasis on youth programs, including what they call "seminary" (taking a Sunday School class as part of your high school schedule) and a sort of sleep-away camp called "Especially For Youth." Seminary teachers and the EFY counselors and speakers are placed in the awkward position of entertaining teenagers and teaching gospel principles at the same time. Let's just say that sometimes they resort to...interesting techniques to get kids to pay attention.

FOR.

EXAMPLE.

High School Boyfriend and EFY Devotee: "You know that Styx song, Crystal Ball?"
Me: "..."
HSB&EFYD: "Anyway, I have a tape of it. When you listen to it, substitute the words 'Book of Mormon' for 'Crystal Ball' in the chorus."
Me: "Book of Mormon?"
HSB&EFYD: "Yeah, it's awesome! It really fits."
Me: "..."

Fast-forward ten years. Whenever Crystal Ball (actually a rockin' song, by the way, so I'm glad I was introduced to it) comes on, Blake and I always yell out "Book of...MOR! MON!" over the chorus and laugh maniacally. Good times.

Sarah: Crafty, part 3

You might say that I could have used my long weekend to clean my apartment. And you would have been right. But instead, I hung out with Blake and Lisa, had dinner with the fam, watched some dvds, trained for the marathon, and Jessie and I ran errands, had lunch with our friend Staci, and picked up some records. I spent the remainder of the evening making record bowls and boxes. I've decided to see how these items fare on our site. If you'd like to buy a bowl and/or box, leave a message in the comments. These will work on a first come, first serve basis. Any shipping costs will be arranged through myself and the buyer. Of you want only the box, they are $2 each. All boxes, unless otherwise noted, are 3 inches tall. Any box that is not spoken for will be included as a free gift with its corresponding record. Thanks, and I hope you like them!

Big Bird Sings record bowl and matching box:

I took a picture of this box and bowl from the side, but it mysteriously removed itself from my camera. I will post a side view tomorrow. Bowl: $7, Box: $2.

Kenny Loggins is ALWAYS a classic:

He looks a little like he just finished creating the universe, and is bestowing upon our humble planet a sun to warm the land, but that's ok with me. My confusion, however, was that I thought he was hardcore (well, as hardcore as songs like Danger Zone) until he had kids, at which point he made Return to Pooh Corner. This picture makes him look less Top Gun and more benevolent celestial being. Anyway. The best part of this box and bowl is the back of the box:

I know. It's great. Oh, and as far as quality control, I noticed after taking this picture that the sides of the box were coming a little unglued. That situation has since been remedied. Bowl: $7, Box: $2.

Next up is Saturday's Warrior. Let me start by saying that I've never listened to or watched this production, so I am not sure how it actually compares to Beowulf, Ramayana, Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, or Dante's Divine Comedy. This is a fine specimen of LDS culture, and is a two-record set. As a result, I have one box and two bowls:

These can be sold as a set, or separately. Bowls: $7/each, Box: $2.

In keeping with the wacky religious enthusiasm theme, I found several awesome looking bands when searching for more information regarding the band Rockin' Horse, but not the band that made this record:

They have a great looking album cover, and also dedicated this album to L. Ron Hubbard.

The dedication is easily visible on the side of the box (which is 3 1/2 inches tall). Bowl: $7, Box: $2. With this item, I am offering the optional Scientology package, which will include the Rockin' Horse bowl and box, plus the TomKat pin featured on my previous post and a few other Scientology/celebrity-related pins. This package will be $11.

I thought this box and bowl was a little punk-rock, a little classical.

Mozart! Bowl: $7, Box: $2.

Thanks for tuning in!

Prices have been changed to more accurately represent fair, competitive prices. Thanks.

Lisa: Pre-training: Week 3, Day 3

I snoozed my alarm for the first time on a running day this morning! Don't get me wrong, I am no stranger to the snooze button on regular days, but so far I have been good about hopping out of bed on training days when the alarm first rings. Maybe the fact that Sarah and I stayed up until 1:30 am watching Rounders after my concert had something to do with it. (Matt, call me!) Anyway, Sarah and I got to Tanner Park to meet Marci about 15 minutes late. The loop around the park is paved, and took us about seven minutes to walk all the way around at our "fast walking pace." Needless to say, it is not a big park. It was pretty dark, especially on the side of the loop furthest from the parking lots, and there were some muddy puddles to navigate around. I think it will be a good place for us to train once in a while, though, because it is so hilly. Also, if it weren't so dark I bet the view would be nice. The best news about this morning is that it was SO warm. I didn't need gloves or my coat! Not very Christmassy, but much better for early morning running.

130.5 lbs, 29% body fat

Sarah: Biggie Smalls is the illest.

Armando picked me up from work to go to lunch:

Sarah: Hey, how's it going?
A: My hump. Myhumpmyhumpmyhump.
S: My lovely lady lumps.
A: There is so much bad music on the radio these days.
S: [Sarcastically] Sigh, It just hasn't been the same since Biggie died...
A: [Wistfully] I know...

Lisa: Twinkletoes

Ever since Dance Dance Revolution came out for the Playstation and XBox, I have been bugging Blake every time we pass a game store to go in and ask if they're coming out with a dance pad for the GameCube. Of course, the game store employees always responded with a flat "No." Obviously they are hardcore gamers who do not consider DDR worth their valuable time.

Imagine my surprise when we were walking through the GameCube area at Best Buy last year, and there was a dance pad and a dance game just sitting right there on the shelf! It wasn't true DDR (it was a near-clone called MC Groovz Dance Craze), but it had to be mine. Honestly, the game was a bit disappointing, but I played it anyway, and I am excited to have the pad to use for the awesome Karaoke Revolution Party and as a second pad for the upcoming Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix.

I soon became fascinated with the fact that the Mad Catz dance pad has almost all the buttons of a standard 'Cube controller, and functions like a controller during gameplay. I wondered if the dance pad could be used to play other, non-dancing games. Recently, Sarah and I took the only course of action we could imagine: we challenged the GameCube master, Blake, to a dance-off. Of course, Blake absolutely refuses to play MC Groovz on the dance pad, so we had to be careful in how we posed the scenario.

Here was the setup:

Challenge #1: In the two-player dance mode on MC Groovz, Sarah and I (on the dance pad) faced off against Blake (playing on a regular controller).

Result: Sarah and I were strongly in the lead before Blake figured out how to perform some of the steps on the controller. For example, green arrows on the screen mean that you stomp on both of the indicated areas of the dance pad simultaneously. Since you can't move a joystick in two directions at once, Blake figured out (after some trial and error) that you have to move both the joystick and the c-stick, one for each foot. Once he figured these things out, he started closing in on our lead and we quickly moved on to Challenge #2.

Challenge #2: In the two-player mode on Soul Calibur, Blake (on the dance pad) was pitted against Lisa and Sarah (alternately, using controllers). We thought we would have this one in the bag, because although Blake has mad Soul Calibur skillz, playing on the dance pad would surely be a tough handicap to overcome.

Result: After an adjustment period of about three fights, Blake was using all kinds of combination moves and totally kicking our trash. He was hopping around on that dance pad like crazy, much how Pamie described Stee:

We are all horrible at the dance mat. And by that I mean "stee is awesome in ways we can't understand because his feet are bigger than the squares he's supposed to hit, and we don't understand why he can dance on this thing like a small boy trained in acrobatics, but the rest of us lumber through the 'easy' mode, hoping we don't look like total tools, knowing full well that we do."

Conclusion: You can take the controller away from the GameCube champion, but you can't...um...but he will totally slaughter you anyway. Also, I see now how Blake earned his high school nickname.