September 06, 2006

Sarah: What Not to Do

Today on Two Loose Teeth, I am offering priceless dating tips for guys, totally free of charge. Your future dates will thank you. And now, without further ado, a list of behaviors that I or my friends have experienced to avoid while on dates, especially at the beginning of a courtship:

Do Not:

  • Take me to an overlook spot frequented by high school students hoping to park and make out. It's not going to happen.

  • Joke about how your drink/meal is too expensive. It makes me feel like my drink/meal is too expensive, so your insistence that you pay just makes the entire situation awkward.

  • Repeatedly express that you think your "drink tastes like bile." No one wants to be dating the whiney guy that talks about bile. The same goes for being rude to the waitress or complaining excessively about the food. We all want a pleasant dining experience, but you're starting to ruin mine. Toughen up.

  • Honk or call me on the phone when you arrive to pick me up. Park, get out of the car, and greet me at the door. You will be rewarded.

  • Talk about other girls on our date. Dude, seriously.

  • Talk bad about guys I've dated. Yes, maybe they were jerks. Maybe they were a waste of time. Still, that is for me to decide, and me to say. When you tell me how lame they were, you're telling me that I have bad taste or make poor decisions. The idea is to make me feel better, not worse.

  • Bring up how much money you have/how nice your car is/how expensive your cologne is/the high end brands of clothing you prefer. Especially don't hand me a check to give to your sister, just so I can see that $300 is just pocket change to you. I'm not impressed.

  • Obviously cross the line between flattery and dishonesty. You think I'm cute? Nice. Pretty? How kind of you. Hotter than Kate Beckinsale? Now you're just lying.

  • Refer to "us" or being together or working through problems, or something along those lines before we've even gone on a date. Yes, it's true: girls can get freaked out by too much commitment too soon just as easily as guys.

  • Maybe this is a personal thing (ladies, please let me know if I'm weird), but I will not shop with you or try on clothes or accept gifts that I wear from someone I'm not dating somewhat seriously. We don't know each other. I'm not letting you help me pick out clothes. It's weird.

  • Be a stingy tipper at the restaurant.

  • Hump my leg when you ask me to dance. That is not dancing.

  • Force me to make decisions. This is another personal one. I hate making decisions on dates that were your idea. No, really.
  • Posted by sarah at September 06, 2006 04:53 PM

    I agree completly with you on this. Also may I add dont ask when a girl when in her life she would like to get married and how many kids she wants all in the same conversation. And on the first date. It will just scare me, oh wait I mean us off.

    Posted by: Marci on September 6, 2006 06:52 PM

    Thanks for this advice. Was it inspired by a particalarly ng date recently? Some of those things seem very familiar.

    Posted by: Young Jeffrey on September 6, 2006 08:21 PM

    Excellent advice. Also, is "humpy" what the kids are calling it these days? I hope so.

    Posted by: lisa on September 6, 2006 10:13 PM

    I love this entry. So Much. I especially agree with the decisions one, if a guy asks you out, he should at least have a plan.

    Posted by: Mallory on September 7, 2006 09:05 AM

    Jeff, some items are inspired by dates I've been on, some by dates friends have been on. Nothing in particular, they were just on my mind. So take heed!

    Posted by: sarah on September 7, 2006 09:34 AM

    i echo your feelings. especially the complaining about the cost of the date, the talking about other girls, the forcing me to make decisions... um, ok maybe all of it? yes. all of it.

    Posted by: nicole on September 7, 2006 07:28 PM
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