April 11, 2007

Lisa: perilous pastilles

I think Tootsie Rolls were originally developed as a weapon, or at least a joke candy. See, if you start to eat a Tootsie Roll that's too big (as most of them are), they glue your teeth together until you start to choke on the copious amounts of chocolate-flavored spit that have suddenly been produced out of nowhere. This should be a deterrent, right? The funny thing is, Tootsie Rolls are so delicious that when you finally stop coughing, your hand automatically reaches into the bag for another piece. My theory is that when the would-be pranksters wouldn't stop eating the tasty morsels themselves, the makers shrugged, all, "Huh...well...the customer knows best!" and started marketing them without the irony.

And don't get me started on the delectable danger that is Dots.

Posted by lisa at April 11, 2007 04:59 PM


Posted by: Young Jeffrey on April 11, 2007 08:19 PM

You ain't just whistling dixie, sister.

Last year I had a crown forcibly removed by a belligerent tootsie roll. And let me tell you, the feel of air rushing over an exposed, ground-down tooth is an exercise in pain of the most exquisite nature.

Developed as weapons indeed . . .

Posted by: Dave on April 12, 2007 08:55 AM
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