September 14, 2006

Lisa: Growth Industry

Recently, a "friend" suggested that, if I really wanted to start making more money, I could become a crack whore (Thanks, Wikipedia! Think Brittanica has an article on that?). I took this kind bit of advice to heart, and have formed a new life plan (complete with easy-to-follow steps!):

1) Become crack whore. Give sex for drugs, but then sell the drugs instead of taking them myself, thereby earning enough money to...
2) Finance plastic surgery, allowing for...
3) Upgrade to high class "escort," trading sex for money (cutting out that annoying "crack" middleman) and making myself available to...
4) Find a rich but lonely businessman with a heart of gold, a la Pretty Woman and...
5) Get him to fall madly in love with me, which shouldn't be too difficult considering we have so much in common. Of course we would...
6) Get married, in which case I would have so much money and spare time on my hands that I would naturally...
7) Start a foundation to help crack whores like myself get started.

I think this plan has some real potential, don't you? Aren't friends great?

Posted by lisa at September 14, 2006 11:02 AM

Wait. Help crack whores get started as... crack whores? Do you like... give them boots and skimpy tops? Free sandwiches and condoms?

Posted by: sarah on September 14, 2006 11:14 AM

Maybe I could help them with Phase 2? Nice Bones reference.

Posted by: lisa on September 14, 2006 11:21 AM

Thanks. Oh, and don't forget: for your move into the escort industry, we know people who know people. Let's keep names out of this to protect the somewhat innocent... Still. I'm sure there's a position (oh man, the double meanings!) for an A cup...

Posted by: sarah on September 14, 2006 11:26 AM

Who are you calling an A cup? And are we speaking of the abode of the miniature but humanoid playthings?

Posted by: lisa on September 14, 2006 11:42 AM

Yes, I think we might be speaking of the home you mentioned. And you know you ain't got NOTHIN on my "twins" (insert Emmy-Rossum-hate-quote here) (also, THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID IT! WHAT!). Um, pardon my C cups.

Posted by: sarah on September 14, 2006 11:51 AM

Oh no. You did not just pull out Emmy and Jessica Biel in the same comment. Truce.

Posted by: lisa on September 14, 2006 11:52 AM

Hee. Do you give?

Posted by: sarah on September 14, 2006 01:22 PM


Posted by: lisa on September 14, 2006 01:43 PM

Hey this site is supposed to be clean.
I think you must be careful you don't saturate the crackwhore market. This comment may even crash the crack whore stock bubble.

Posted by: Young Jeffrey on September 23, 2006 07:04 PM
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