November 18, 2007

Sarah: True to Life

The Lifetime Channel would like you to know:
Yes, you waited to get married or even date. Just when you started thinking that love had passed you by, you met a man. He was handsome, intelligent, romantic, successful, and loved kids.
You quickly fell in love and got married. Before you realized it, your wedded bliss produced a beautiful child.
You've now been married for several years without a care in the world. Your husband even gets along with your friends and family. And then...
Out of nowhere, your husband turns out to be a rapist/murderer/abuser. The cops can't pin anything on him, though, and you feel trapped. Luckily, you find strength you didn't know you had within yourself and escape his evil clutches.

Thanks, Lifetime. You taught me the value of telling the same story time and time again. After all, we need constant reminders that men are always hiding a deep, dark, evil secret. We're on to you now, men.

Posted by sarah at November 18, 2007 01:28 AM

Since the the secret is out, I might as well tell you all of it.

Every night all the men, everywhere, sneak out and get together to discuss ways we can keep you women in your place. Every single one of us agrees to the precise details of the plan -- things like planting "his" in the word history, because that will sure show all of you women that we're the boss.

You might also be interested to know that because I had the audacity to be born white and with a penis, it's nearly impossible for me to walk down the street without being offered a lucrative job with an immediate promotion. Also, people throw money at me wherever I go. I am regularly forced, at gun point, to accept several thousand dollars in cash. If that seems unfair to you, don't worry . . . the dollar isn't what it used to be.

Now that you know, Sarah, you'll have to be beaten into submission. Because that's what we men -- ALL MEN -- do to our women.

Now where's my dinner?

Posted by: Dave on November 18, 2007 09:31 AM
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