February 01, 2004

Sarah: I refuse to pity you!

My parents live in a fairly affluent neighborhood. While visiting them last week, I attended church with them. I left the church at the same time as a man helped an elderly woman into his car to give her a ride home. I watched the gleaming BMW as it pulled away and noticed it's vanity license plate: "SHOFUR." Is this a cry for sympathy? You poor baby, you have to drive other people around in your luxury vehicle! Does your bottom tire of the leather seats? The air conditioning dries your skin? I won't feel bad for you! If you were a soccer mom in a minivan, I would believe that you were frazzled from driving across town all day every day. You're a 50-something business man. In a BMW. I just don't get it.

February 07, 2004

Lisa: My Petition for More Space

What do you do if the cars available to you are either too small or too decrepit to use for a road trip? Do you take two tiny cars, and separate the roadtrip participants into two groups? Do you try to buy and install a roof rack cargo carrier apparatus on one of the tiny cars, in an effort to free up space inside? Do you rent a larger vehicle (to the tune of $500-$700, effectively negating the practically-free nature of the road trip)?

And what if you want to stop at IKEA at some point on the trip, to purchase many flat-packed but still awkwardly-sized items?

February 12, 2004

Lisa: bored at work how to tell

More treasures from the referral-log trove:

  • "psycho stalker tendencies how to tell" Do you wear all black? Own walkie-talkies? Is your name Lisa?
  • "David Boreanaz diet" Mmmm. I must go on this diet posthaste.
  • "pirate porn arrr matey" Hee. Heee hee. Do people really watch pirate porn, in which the characters say "arrr, Matey" to each other?
  • "i need conversations from two men and two women involved at work at mcdonalds" I've heard of natural-language search engines, but this seems to be taking the concept a bit too far.
  • "customized vampire teeth" For all your hot vampire-on-pirate porn needs. Hee. Okay, that's not funny.

  • Lisa: Let's just get this over with.

    I think there comes a time when every blogger or online journalist (journaler?) questions why he or she blogs/posts journal entries/whatever. This soul-searching process then becomes fodder for a new entry, which is inevitably very dull.

    The thing is, the whole concept of having a blog at all is a bit tired. However, if you are spending time reading someone else's blog, then you are agreeing to submit yourself to whatever she wants to tell you. Essentially, I'm saying that you can read or not read this entry, whichever you choose. If you find it dull, you have only yourself to blame for the waste of time.

    Disclaimer in place, here are a few of my reasons for creating and posting on Two Loose Teeth:

  • I decided I wanted to start my own website one day while perusing the yeti, and I don't like to be told a) that I can't do things, and b) that I can't have things.
  • The thought that people we don't know would enjoy reading our site, or that Sarah or I could become someone else's Margaret Berry or Sarah Bunting is titillating.
  • I have always felt vaguely guilty for not keeping a journal. My church strongly encourages its members to do so (enter the traditional religious guilt), but also I really do believe that journals have value. I'm sure keeping a journal would not only be cathartic for me, but could potentially be of interest to my future posterity, historians, genealogians, blah blah blah. For years, I half-heartedly pasted concert programs into scrapbooks in an effort to convince myself it would take the place of a real journal. Every time I actually tried to write something, I would reread my entry a month later, shake my head in shame at my sheer idiocy, and then remove the offending pages with a razor blade. Nothing I wrote seemed profound enough for those pretty, leather-covered blank books. Ugh. Enough self-analysis. This is as close as I'm going to get to a real journal. Guilt begone!

  • Sarah: She Works Hard for the Money

    I work at a call center, where we don't sell anything, but we perform surveys. Please don't hate me. I'm just a poor college student, trying to make ends meet. The point is, I work with one of my best friends, which is the only way that my job becomes bearable. Yesterday morning, we were both conducting surveys for Kinko's, where customers are asked to evaluate their experience. My friend, J, was interviewing an older gentleman about his visit to Kinko's.

    J: Was your order done right?

    Man: Well, no, actually. I ordered a rubber stamp for my company, Armadillo. When I went to pick up the stamp, it said "Arma-dildo." I just don't understand how that happened.

    Needless to say, hilarity ensued. The employee that made that stamp should either be fired or given an enormous raise. I want to know where that stamp is now.

    February 18, 2004

    Lisa: Reason #46573 why I love the Internet

    Today is all about exchanging my crap for other people's crap. I bought this commemorative Hollywood Reporter issue (Featuring Angel! For one dollar!!), and I'm selling a Gandalf action figure, some home design software, and a Nintendo 64 game storage box. You can redeem yourself for not buying my parents' coffee table by bidding on these fabulous items. Up with capitalism!

    Edited to add: I also put a bunch of Blake's old Super Nintendo games up for auction (with his permission). Check it.

    Guest Blogger: David Anderson

    Dave: So, on the page where i read your email, there was this ad with a picture of a smile, that said, "Who does this smile belong to? Click for a FREE $50 certificate," and it obviously belonged to Julia Roberts. You know how those things are.
    Lisa (reading this conversation later): You didn't click, did you?
    Sarah: Dude, you didn't do it, did you?
    Dave: And the choices were: Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry. So, I obviously clicked on Halle Berry.
    Sarah: Dude, one of those people is black.
    Dave: Apparently, I won a $50 certificate. So I was wrong, Halle Berry is a white woman.
    Sarah: hee hee hee
    Dave: Those things are so dumb. I guess they think that people will read it, and go "Ooh! I know the answer! I know the answer!" and not be able to resist clicking, so they get the easiest possible question that everyone will know. But i think they would have more success if they had questions like, "How did Millikan prove Plank's hypothesis of the quantization of atomic spectra to be correct?" Then, people would really want to try to answer it. it wouldn't be so obvious.
    Sarah: Dude. You're a geek.
    Dave: But then again, they want to prey upon the stupid. So that might mess with their whole business plan.
    Sarah: Yes.

    February 20, 2004

    Lisa: You Decide

    Matt at X-Entertainment: "The movie that's so bad, you'll start to wonder while watching if you're typing on the devil's computer in Hell itself! It's back: The Corey Haim Video Diary."

    Fans at the Hollywood Memorabilia Convention: "We can't stop talking about Corey and his reactions to us. When we get back to the hotel room, Jennifer grabs Kris's video and begins to kiss it over and over again. Kris, for fear of Jennifer messing up the signature, let alone the wearing box itself, takes the video away from her. She only returns it to Jennifer's grasp after making her promise not to kiss it anymore."

    Corey himself, on the video: "You are what you wear. I wear something different everyday."

    February 21, 2004

    Lisa: I guess I'll let them live.

    Today at the library, a woman using one of the computers was frustrated because the website that she was trying to print information from was formatted such that a bunch of the text was outside the printable area of the page. I showed her how to select just the text, right click on it, and print the selected area--which of course solved her problem. (Don't worry, copyright freaks. The URL still prints on the bottom of the page when you do this from IE.) She was so happy! I quote: "I can't thank you enough for teaching me something today. You really helped me, and I appreciate it very much." She even thanked me again (By name--curse you, nametag-driven overfamiliarity!) when she left.

    Here's what I learned:

  • What I am doing is worthwhile.
  • There are nice people out there.
  • Libraries and librarians are still needed and appreciated.

    Thank you, computer-using woman! You have restored my faith in humanity and in myself.

  • February 23, 2004

    Sarah: But I always drink lots of... MALK??

    Yesterday I again attended church with my parents (no SHOFUR or SHOFAR in sight) and sat in one class with several older ladies. I've never been prejudiced against the elderly, and even worked for a while at a retirement center, but being surrounded by these women made me fear getting old. Sitting next to this cute, tiny lady, I glanced at her hands. Her joints were large knots of arthritis. She looked up at people filing in, hoping to engage them in conversation, giving a grin to each person as they passed. Another woman joked about being thankful each day for being able to get out of bed, as she too was afflicted with arthritis. A third woman anxiously searched for recognition and validation for activities she had attended. I thought these ladies were all very sweet and trying their best to age gracefully. How difficult is it, though, to feel your body give out? To realize that your wisdom has been dismissed as the ramblings of a useless old lady? I'm at the time in my life where I'm young and active and just getting a voice in the world, but this is only a temporary state. It won't be long before I join the ranks of these older women, senile, decrepit, and lonely. Still, I suppose I should enjoy each stage of life as it comes and try to respect people from all stages of life.

    February 24, 2004

    Lisa: A very pressing question

    What software/hardware setup do I need in order to copy movies and tv shows from DVDs onto my PowerBook, manipulate clips from them, and burn the result onto new DVDs? My laptop has a superdrive, so I have the DVD burning capability covered. iMovies or whatever program comes with OS X won't do it. How will I ever make my librarian video clip quiz game?

    Lisa: Rockin' the vote

    Today the library is a polling location for the party-run Utah Democratic Presidential Preference Primary, and it has been insane. There has been a steady stream of people coming in to vote, so many that the library manager is threatening to bar the doors in one minute when voting is officially over. Democrats of Utah, I am proud of you! Thank you for still caring, even though your votes are often overruled by the vast number of people who mistakenly think that voting Republican is their church responsibility. Up with the democratic process! (And down with politicians whose faces are too small for their heads. I am not naming names.)

    Also, apparently they now allow junior high kids to vote--either that or I am officially Very Old. Look for me to start using an earhorn sometime soon.

    February 28, 2004

    Sarah: Today an instrument, tomorrow my soul.

    So, I was really going to try hard to make my entry amusing, since my last was an unentertaining account of my fear of getting old. Alas, I'm again demonstrably unfunny. I was reading Lisa's old entry about her ebay items, and I remembered that I need to sell my old viola. My parents bought it for me when I was in junior high, and I played on it for several years. It's a surprisingly good instrument, and they said that, if I sold it, I could put whatever money I made towards my debt to them. This is a really good opportunity for me! And it's a great opportunity for whoever would buy the viola. I loved this instrument, and it's perfect for a student. It's been recently tuned up, so it's as good as new. I'm considering putting it on ebay, but I'm a little afraid. Also, I'd want it to be bid on, but don't want to lose money. The instrument is worth $3000. Any offers or suggestions on how to sell?

    Sarah: Bunheads!!

    Tonight there was a dance performance in the university fine arts building for girl dance groups junior high and high school ages. I was also in the building and used the facilities after the dancers had left. In the restroom were twenty bobby pins on the sinks and floor, body glitter, feathers, and a sports bra. Thanks, ladies. Damn bunheads.

    How does someone forget a bra? You'd think they'd notice it was missing...